This is a public service announcement.
- Fake smile, people. Learn to spot one. That’s actually death in her eyes.
I recently took a part-time job to pay the bills as my freelance work started growing. The job and my coworkers are surprisingly awesome but I’m dangerously close to lighting the building on fire while at the exact moment it’s filled with customers. Seriously ya’ll, people are idiots. So out of the goodnes of my heart, here are some tips for ANY TIME YOU EVER PURCHASE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE:
1. When standing in line, for the love of God please take out your wallet before heading to the counter. Not only does it annoy the crap out of me when people spent 45 minutes fumbling for their wallets, but you’re holding up the line! What the hell else are you doing in line besides waiting to pay!?!?
2. If you’re purchasing tickets with someone and the cashier asks how many, they couldn’t give a flying fuck how many people you’re watching the movie/show/concert with. They want to know how many tickets you plan to purchase. Because when they ring up the random number you give them and then you tell them, “um… no, could we pay separately?” they are secretly wanting to stab you in the face.
3. Before asking a question that your cashier friend (CF from now on) has heard 735 times before, look in the immediate vacinity. There is a 99% chance your question is answered in sign form for the exact purpose of preserving our sanity.
4. If you have a coupon, discount card, student ID or something that gives you money off your purchase, give it to your CF before they ring you up. Thank you.
5. You know when you cutely argue with your friend or significant other about who’s going to pay? It’s actually not cute and you’re putting your CF in an akward position, especially (oh-my-God-I-hate-this-so-much) when you both shove money in their face and ask him/her to choose.
6. Please remember this: we don’t make the rules. This is something that gets me every time – whether you’re a waiter or flipping burgers or selling clothes – the person behind the counter is the voice of their boss and not your punching bag. If you have a problem, ask for the manager and please stop yelling at me.
7. We are also not a bank. If the store has just opened and you’re buying a pair of socks with a $100 bill, I’m sorry, I either don’t have change or am going to give you $98 in ones. You’re fault = not my problem.
8. Tell your CF what you want. Buying tickets? Don’t just stand there like a complete douche waiting for them to read your mind. Buying something? Put it on the counter; we honestly can’t see through solid objects. Promise.
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