LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal?

by Marian Schembari on May 3, 2010

Consultant John Sanders wrote a really interesting blog post a few days ago as well as posed an even more interesting question on LinkedIn. I wanted to share my answer with you as part of LinkedIn Mondays (in hindsight I really wish I had chosen a catchier name), but also because a lot of the people who answered have this “old fogie” mentality that drives me insane in the membrane. I realize times are a-changin’ and online interactions can seem less personal, but I am a huge advocate for using social media as a networking tool (obviously) and I’d like to share my little love affair with you all. So below is my answer along with the responses I created in my head when reading other people’s thoughts. I’d love to hear yours.

Question

Do you think networking has become too impersonal? I recently wrote an article on how impersonal networking has become. I don’t care if you have 20k connections on your social profile, it does not matter if your email list is uber-long… if you are just a name collector than great. But that is not networking. Networking is getting to know people professionally and personally. And it seems like a lot of people are losing that skill. What do you think?

~ John Sanders, Strategic Talent Acquisition

My answer

It doesn’t matter if you network on places like LinkedIn and Twitter or go to events – networking is what you make of it. I find there are two kinds of networkers:

  1. Those who fling the proverbial business card in your face. You can do this over a punch bowl at a crappy hotel or on Twitter by always shouting ME ME ME ME.
  2. Those who try and make a real connection whether it’s over a love of dogs at a park or engaging them online. These people care about what they can do for you rather than the other way around. They let their professional relationships grow organically.

You can be either one of these people online or in person because ultimately it’s not the method that makes networking impersonal, but the person themselves.

This is how I network.

I realize John wasn’t necessarily talking about social media, but since that’s how many people are networking nowadays, I’m gonna steer the conversation in that direction. John wrote on his blog, “Do you feel that networking has gotten too impersonal with all the technology currently replacing a good old handshake and lunch?” Um. No, no I don’t. In fact, I think networking has gotten more personal because we’re able to easily connect with people outside of our usual circle. And just because the method has changed doesn’t mean you need to get your panties in a bunch. (Keep in mind, I had a brief email exchange with John and he is a lovely man. My annoyance is in NO WAY directed at him because he’s super sweet, but towards people resistant to change and unable to see the good things like Twitter networking can bring us.)

I, for one, love networking online. I’m naturally shy in groups and am one of those people at big events who hides in a corner pretending to “make a call.” However, I also love interacting with people, I just don’t think I make the greatest first impression. Networking online has been hugely successful for me and I know I can help people out as well.

One commenter on LinkedIn hinted at today’s networkers lacking “substance.”

Another said, “I would guess that the younger the person, the more disconnected they are with those they network with, and the older the person, the more appreciation they have for those in their sphere of influence.”

Watch your mouth, boy! I’m 22 (23 on Wednesday, woot woot!) and I’d consider myself pretty connected to the people I network with professionally. I don’t “collect” names or followers. I loved the response from Clare Webster: “Older generations are certainly more personal when it comes to networking outside the web, but as for social media, younger generations were the first to use that media for connecting to friends and have had a taste of that personal use before they ever used it for professional purposes.”

A response I did like, from Vanessa Rottaris: “It is all about learning who people are and being genuinely interested in them.”

I guess it’s a personal decision how you choose to network, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what method you use, but how you use it.

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  • Marian Schembari

    {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/alexisgrant/status/13308520204 Alexis Grant

    Her answer is right on. RT @marianschembari LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • De Facto Publishing

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • alexisgrant

    Great post. So true. I'm becoming a huge fan of you and your blog! Love your approach.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    You are so sweet Alexis – thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/marianschembari/status/13313283051 Marian Schembari

    Guess networking is a personal decision, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter WHAT method you use, but HOW http://bit.ly/b6FWCJ

  • http://www.urbanmusewriter.com/ Susan

    Happy early birthday, Marian! Your post reminded me of hearing Peter Shankman speak at a conference a few weeks ago. He called people who fling their biz cards at you and shamelessly pimp their products “business card ninjas.” In my opinion, ninjas are cool, so that almost makes them sound cooler than they are. But in some ways, it's an apt phrase. I agree with your statement that it's the personal and not the medium that makes networking feel impersonal.

  • http://www.domesticsluttery.com Sian

    It's rare that I 'network'. Even at events where that's what I'm meant to be doing. Instead you'll find me in the corner making trouble, laughing too loudly and probably drinking too much. It works for me. After a while people come and talk to you (if nothing else to find out what it is your giggling about). Most of the time people just want to talk to people.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    See? This is why I love you Siany. I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be laughing too loudly in a corner making real friends than feeling awkward on the sidelines, feeling like I should be doing “real networking.” Your way sounds much more fun ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13313283051 Josh

    RT @marianschembari: Guess networking is a personal decision, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter WHAT method you use, but HOW http://bit.ly/b6FWCJ

  • http://twitter.com/ohal/status/13326145444 Hal Brown

    RT @marianschembari: LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13325710818 Fauzia Burke

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13325710818 Fauzia Burke

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13325710818 Dennis Moser

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13325710818 Dennis Moser

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    Thanks Susan! Yeah, I actually like the “ninja” concept but not in regards to business card flinging. That's uncool. However, 100% of my connections have been made through social media so I have yet to come across said ninja.

  • fauziaburke

    It's not an either/or option. It is important to network both online and offline. Some of my best clients only see me at lunch and I love seeing them and connecting with them over a meal. Others are perfectly happy with emails and Facebook updates. The best part about networking online is that you never know where a connection will go. It's fun and serendipitous.

  • http://weblogredux.com Hal Brown

    This question, face-to-face vs virtual networking is too subjective to have a one size fits all answer. I have an upcoming post with my own point of view, a different way of looking at social media. I just finished a good book, “You Are Not A Gadget” by Jaron Lanier. His concern is a devaluation of human connection using any system that is not real. Personal reductionism is lessened with web 2 by being less impersonal than previous systems (Example – Your status is reduced when you file a tax return. Your real life is represented by a set of database entries). So, this new virtual social connection is closer to really knowing a person than email or letter writing. But you still don't really know me.
    That is the gist of what I have to say. I'm not shy, I interact well with people in the flesh. In my opinion, there is only one requisite concept for social interaction, real or virtual.
    Understand the difference.
    Thanks for yet another good post and the opportunity to comment.

  • http://twitter.com/agammy113/status/13330965056 Alexandra Gammelgard

    Loved loved loved this article http://bit.ly/cz8XOz – there is substance in social networking!

  • http://www.isaokato.com Isao

    Once an innocent word becomes a buzzword, people start to abuse it – that's what happened to “networking,” I guess. It was meant to create genuine connections, but because of some misbehavior, now the word has “ME” connotation as you pointed out.
    We can get out of the great networking debate and define our own terms of genuine connections. I like the word giving, but I don't think that scales. Anyhow, what matters is what each of us brings to the table, not takes from it. As for me, I would ditch the word networking altogether and use giving/bringing/sharing in longer sentences – no more three-seconds “aha!” moment but hopefully I can communicate the context much more clearly.

  • http://twitter.com/askgarden/status/13324699486 Josh

    RT @marianschembari: Guess networking is a personal decision, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter WHAT method you use, but HOW http://bit.ly/b6FWCJ

  • http://twitter.com/websnapshot/status/13326437338 Fauzia Burke

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/aldusm/status/13326530552 Dennis Moser

    RT @marianschembari: {latest post} LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/grafmartin/status/13342869556 Graf-Martin Agency

    Has networking become impersonal? http://is.gd/bSYfu

  • http://twitter.com/tunderwood/status/13342885417 Tim Underwood

    Has networking become impersonal? http://is.gd/bSYfu

  • http://carolinebookbinder.blogspot.com Carin

    I heard an interview on NPR several months gao with a hiring mnager, and he said when he's checking people out on Linked In, he thinks the right number of contacts is 200-300. Less than 100 shows lack of effort, more than 300 shows tangential contacts.

  • http://carolinebookbinder.blogspot.com Carin

    I heard an interview on NPR several months gao with a hiring mnager, and he said when he's checking people out on Linked In, he thinks the right number of contacts is 200-300. Less than 100 shows lack of effort, more than 300 shows tangential contacts.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    Wow. That is SUCH an interesting piece of info, Carin!

  • rnolan

    Dear Marian:
    I'm sure that nothing anyone says in response to your comments will have any affect on your way of communicating and there's nothing wrong with that. But for me, now in my sixties, I'll stick with a handshake, an arm around an old friend, a phone call just to say hello to those too far away to talk to in person. I don't text, have no use for it. A few weeks ago in was at a family reunion and saw what can only be described, according at least to me, a group of about 10 teenagers sitting around in a circle cell phones in hand – texting each other. Not being very shy I expressed my concern but gave them their freedom to communicate without having to use their verbal skills. The shame is that skills that are not used are easily forgotten. New (text) words are being substituted for the real thing. Is this the way these texters will run their companies? Can you imagine a board meeting where there is no verbal communication, only texting? Thanks but I'll pass on buying their stock.
    One last comment if I may, I have to commend the marketing groups in the cell phone business who have succeeded, probably beyond their own estimates, in selling the need to purchase communication tools. Not just a phone to check on a childs saftey but to know where they are at any given time. Do we really need to create even more stress in the family today by fighting over what age is appropriate for “having my own phone”? Please explain one good reason for any child having to have a cell phone while at school? This really escapes me! Okay if you want to connect with them when they arrive home safe and sound, use the land line they still work. Then you would know that they really are at home and not returning your call from their friends house while on their cell.
    So please, enjoy whatever mode of communication you enjoy the most, it's every persons right to choose. If one way works for you and not me that's fine too but as for me I hope it's okay that I'll stay with what has worked for more than 60 years.

  • rnolan

    How in the world can anyone take the “ninjas approach” seriously? Have you really seen someone who is sober attempt this act? If not, it's not a believeable statement!

  • http://twitter.com/marianschembari/status/13377821585 Marian Schembari

    One of my most commented posts; contribute to the debate!! — LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13377821585 Brandi-Ann

    RT @marianschembari: One of my most commented posts; contribute to the debate!! — LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://twitter.com/MarianSchembari/status/13377821585 Janet Webb

    RT @marianschembari: One of my most commented posts; contribute to the debate!! — LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    Hey man, I totally understand your desire to stick to what works for you. To be honest, I wish I was better at networking in person – social media has allowed me to be awesome at something else though, and that's cool.

    What you say about kids sitting in a circle texting – I would never EVER say that's awesome. If you're going to be in a room with someone, actually BE with them. I'm all for Twitter and texting and Facebook messaging, but one of my all-time biggest pet peeves is when you're trying to have a conversation with someone and all they can do is stare at their phone. Honestly. It's disrespectful and it's no way to communicate.

    So, I appreciate you stopping by and leaving your comment. However, I think you think we're on different “sides” and we are – in fact – not. You will never hear me say that technology has improved the way we connect IN PERSON. However, it has improved the way we connect at all.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    Serendipitous. Fauzia, you've totally hit the nail on the head here. Networking via social media makes it easier for serendipitous connections to occur. It doesn't, however, mean that in-person networking (i.e. running into someone at lunch) is dead. Far from it in fact. Networking online first makes me 1,000% times better at networking face-to-fact.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    You are one of the greatest commenters, Hal, you always leave me with something new to think about. As always, thanks for stopping by!

  • Dan Holmes

    To me, networking is the act of showing another human being that I am willing to listen to them. It's as simple as that. I listen first (or observe online) and when it's my time to speak, I try to be careful and deliberate. I've never flung business cards or swapped blackberry contact info. I despise the networking biz groups that meet for 30 minutes a week over donuts and coffee and artificially attempt to create an atmosphere of “connection” by allowing each attendee two minutes to make an elevator pitch.

    I've gotten far more business by waiting for someone to ask me what I do, than the other way around. Online Social Networks are ideally suited to allow people to “size up” an individual based on pieces of evidence, IMO. If I notice a person who's contributing analysis or content that I find entertaining or helpful, I can choose to connect with them (follow of ran them, if you will). This isn't exactly the same as connecting in person, but it can be just as meaningful professionally, as Marian suggests. Almost immediately, these people become colleagues, collaborators, gurus, advisers, clients, etc.

    In reverse, if I want to “network” with others and expand my sphere of connection, it's my responsibility to produce content that establishes credibility and my expertise in an area. I suppose this is akin to getting established in your community and getting referrals via word-of-mouth. The Internet makes that much more lightning fast and it expands our reach.

    Good article and interesting ideas.

  • Janet W

    Could not agree more with Clare Webster's comment: my daughter is 20 and she connects out of friendship with her myriad of friends. “If” the hallmark of successful networking is authenticity and friendship, the older generation could learn a lot from the younger. Janet W

  • http://www.domesticsluttery.com Sian

    Strangely, I saw a talk in the UK from a guy called Robin Dunbar. He said that anything over 150 friends on a networking site (in this case Facebook) was suspect – because you just can't maintain many more relationships (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number). I don't think there is a 'right number', and I don't think a number is any way to suggest effective networking. Particularly on LinkedIn – a lot of the time I link with someone who requests me to because it's polite. I don't share personal information on LinkedIn so why wouldn't I?

    People assume a lot about numbers (who hasn't immediately followed someone back on Twitter because they only have 34 followers?), but only you know what your connections mean to you. You number may well be tengential online, but that says nothing about who you connect with in real life.

  • http://twitter.com/2inspired/status/13377965836 Brandi U

    RT @marianschembari: One of my most commented posts; contribute to the debate!! — LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb

    Marian;

    I am also naturally shy in groups, and it takes me a bit to really warm up to people and really be myself with them – enter the internet! ;) I love the freedom I have to be myself online, to write about what I really think, to connect with other people, and all without worrying about how I look or how I act, or any of that stuff.

    The really cool thing, is that I have found that it then starts to extend into “real life” and I have begun to become more confident in person with people, and in groups. Networking online has helped me to develop more confidence to network in person. :)

  • http://twitter.com/janetnorcal/status/13379885868 Janet Webb

    RT @marianschembari: One of my most commented posts; contribute to the debate!! — LinkedIn Mondays: Has networking become impersonal? http://bit.ly/9Or7tA

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    It is SO NICE to hear that perspective from the generation above. Seriously.

  • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

    You know what, Jess? Before you posted this I had never thought of that before, but you are SO 100% right. I was just filming part of the Pajama Job Hunt and talked about how you should always try and figure out who's going to be at an event before you go and engage them on Twitter first to break the ice. That way you can put a face to an avatar and walk up to someone you might never have met in person but have “spoken” to online.

    You are a smart lady Jess Webb!

  • http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb

    LOL – Thank you! ;)

    I like the idea of finding people on Twitter like that… Brilliant! :)

  • http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb

    LOL – Thank you! ;)

    I like the idea of finding people on Twitter like that… Brilliant! :)

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  • http://twitter.com/nps_nmsc/status/50195064684675072 NEMuseumServicesCtr

    Is Twitter too impersonal at times for you or your organization? http://ow.ly/4juBt #personalizetheimpersonal

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