Cyberbullying Sucks

by Marian Schembari on August 24, 2010

I really don’t want to write this post. I’ve spent the entire day avoiding it and finally sitting down to write is making me feel a little (re: a lot) sick to my stomach.

Yesterday I wrote a post asking for donations to fund a Mac purchase. A little brazen? Sure. Controversial? Maybe. I thought I made my intentions clear, but apparently some people were horrified.

It started with a simple tweet. Because I’m not an asshole or 5 years old, I won’t name names, but the first tweet was directed at me and said, “Twitter is not an ATM.”

No, it’s not, and reading that tweet was like a punch to the stomach. Shit, I thought, what did I do? I started worrying that my post was out of line, that I was treating readers like my own personal cash machine.

And then I got a donation. And then another. And then another. In the past day I’ve received $187 towards a new computer and I remembered why I did this… Is that computer life or death? Of course not. Do I realize there are more worthy causes? Obviously. I’m not an idiot or a whiny bitch or unaware of the world’s problems. But as the days went on and my computer crept closer and closer towards death I figured I’d ask my friends for a favor. It’s not mandatory and I’m in no way expecting everyone to donate.

I would, however, like to address some of the criticisms. Mostly because I’m argumentative and just thinking about this has me fuming, but also because the more I think about it, the more I think the people responsible for the shit storm on Twitter yesterday acted like bullying children.

Arguments

You haven’t prioritized your expenses and are expecting blog readers to bail you out.

To be honest, I have prioritized my expenses, just not in the way you would. New Zealand is my top priority. If you actually read my blog you’d know that I’m moving because my boyfriend is in London and I can’t get a UK visa. He can’t get a visa to the States. We can, however, go to New Zealand. So yeah, I made my relationship a priority over my business.

Shilling from strangers is shameless.

I wasn’t shilling from strangers, I was asking friends and regular readers for a favor. Critique My Profile was a popular video series on my blog and I know people who received those critiques enjoyed and benefited from them. Those critiques were also free. People have asked why I haven’t posted a video in almost a month and I answered: My computer can’t handle the video software and the quality is significantly better on a Mac. For those who want to see the videos make a comeback (and friends who simply want to help a new entrepreneur out) I gave them an option. If I randomly stumbled on a blog asking for a donation I’d just ignore it. Unless I truly trust and respect and want to give back to a blogger I don’t give them money. I wasn’t expected strangers to participate. Again, I was asking my friends for a favor.

I’d also like to point out that blog donation buttons aren’t uncommon. If you feel so comfortable ragging on me maybe you should email them too. Where do you think that money goes? The homeless? No, most bloggers with those buttons put the money back into the blog, which is precisely what I was going to do. Instead of just putting a generic button up though I made it VERY clear where that money would go and how it would benefit the site. Personally, I thought it was a smart strategy. I rarely donate to charities because I don’t know where my money is going. While I may not be a charity I wanted my readers to  have specifics.

Save your money for “a real cause”.

Speaking of charities, I’m pretty sure I addressed that issue in my video. To paraphrase, I realize me “needing” a Mac isn’t a natural disaster or kid with leukemia. But people fund all sorts of projects and as one amazing reader put it, “Yours is a creative endeavor since funding your computer would bring your audience with the awesome videos and content that you produce.”

Asking for money does not inspire confidence in your business success. Would you hire a social media consultant who can’t even afford a Mac? If business is that bad, maybe there’s a reason.

Business isn’t “that bad”, but it hasn’t even been a year since starting said business. Bragging time: In the 6 months I’ve been doing this full time I’ve done a pretty awesome job setting up. In 6 months I’ve accumulated over 5,000 visitors per month, 2,000 Twitter followers, created an online program, a kick ass Twitter service which has gotten awesome reviews, and average of 3 author clients per month. I don’t say this to be cocky, but to make a point.

I don’t know if any of those who criticized me are freelancers, but I’d like to see one new entrepreneur who’s been in business for 6 months who’s not stressed about money. Starting a business is hard and it’s naive to think otherwise.

I’d also like to point out that while my blog definitely helps land clients, I pride myself in being completely transparent. Buzzword Alert, but it’s true. This blog addresses social media issues but it also chronicles my struggles as a new entrepreneur and I’d be lying if I said I was currently rolling in dough. While I have no shortage of clients, let’s just say publishing isn’t the most lucrative of niches. But I’m working on it.

What Should I Do Now?

Only a few involved actually included my Twitter handle. Only two responded to my counterarguments. To me that seems cowardly and I don’t think any of them would say what they did to my face. The internet can make us bolder and meaner and uglier than we might be in real life.

What happened is that these tweeters found amusement in calling me out while hiding under the ability to not engage with me directly.  None  are loyal readers, none are friends. All of them have relative Twitter popularity though, and what they did humiliated me. I’d made me feel like crap for something I don’t think I deserve to feel like crap about.

Do you know what that’s called? It’s called bullying and you should all know better.

If you don’t like my site, don’t read it. Don’t kick a blogger you don’t even read. Don’t make assumptions if you don’t know what you’re talking about. That said, if my loyal readers think my post was out of line I’ll take down the widget and refund the money. You guys mean a lot to me and I’ve been floored by the positive response. If the majority of you think what I did was “disgusting” or “shameless” though, I’ll do whatever I can to make amends.

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  • http://twitter.com/autumnstjohn/status/25997564524 Autumn St John

    Only 24 hours left to chip in to @MarianSchembari's Mac Fund. Click here to find out the juicy deets: http://bit.ly/bNKeud

  • http://twitter.com/chickybus/status/25997912083 Lisa E

    Only 24 hours left to chip in to @MarianSchembari's Mac Fund. Click here to find out the juicy deets: http://bit.ly/bNKeud

  • http://twitter.com/marianschembari/status/26013991018 Marian Schembari

    65% funded!!! http://bit.ly/bNKeud

  • http://twitter.com/melissabreau/status/26017268754 Melissa Breau

    Can you spare a dollar or two? Help out @MarianSchembari , an entrepreneur : http://ow.ly/2MBf3

  • Jodeey7

    Marian,
    I am a full time student and came across your blog while doing some research for a class project. As with anything on the internet it is open to all types of people and their opinions. You seem to have a diverse mix of responses. I can only imagine that it is a bit humbling to have to request money for yourself in order to get the equipment, in your case a Mac computer, to do something that will assist you in your goals. But in all reality, do not the big companies and Politicians do the same thing? They do it by selling stocks, fundraisers, or supporter dinners at hundreds if not thousands of dollar a pop. OK, there may be some benefit to the person who is receives a stock dividend when stocks are up, but they bail when stocks go down, and of course that big money dinner of dry chicken is always a plus. You are giving forward with your site and your reward is the warm and fuzzy feeling you get in return from your readers.
    Cyber bulling is a very valid concern, and is simply defined as “the use of an online media to harass, insult or intimidate someone”. Take it with a grain of salt. You could also think of the “haters” with a smile, as 40 year olds who live in their parents’ basement, but that would just lead to a whole new can of worms. So it is better not to go there, because you would just be adding fuel to there fiery cause.
    Opinions are free, unsolicited, usually without merit, knowledge or reason, other than to make the writer feel better, get noticed, be hurtful and trigger an ongoing argument. Don’t let the bad outweigh the good!
    Good luck with your quest for a new computer as well as your global move. Best wishes to you and your boyfriend.

    • http://marianlibrarian.com Marian Schembari

      Thanks for your awesome comment, Jodeey! Cyberbullies can go screw themselves because I actually got my computer today thanks to $800 of donations for my awesome readers!

      You’re totally right in your comments and at the end of the days, readers did feel like they were giving back so apparently it’s a win-win situation ;-)

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  • Dinger

    You’re right and the Cyber bullies are a bunch of twats.
    Keep on with what you’re doing.

  • http://twitter.com/LittleWordGods Little Gods Author

    Good for you. Love the (buzz word alert) transparency. Bully, no bully? Regardless, sounds like it was unkind and done in a cowardly way. And, I think you make a very powerful case for the distinction that you were asking a favor of friends and readers who have already benefited from the value you have given for free. How is that any different than an uber-A-lister charging $75 for a book-signing event (when the book costs $25?) I don’t have a problem with either. You are very right in saying, if you don’t like it, ignore it and move a long, instead of trying to use it as a platform for being “holier than thou.” I like your style!

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  • http://cashcampfire.com Christina Crowe

    Hey Marian,

    Don’t listen to them. There’s always going to be criticism. As you move higher and higher up the ladder, you increase visibility and there’s naturally going to be more people who will dislike something that you say or do.

    I think that it’s great that you have blog readers who are willing to help you out. Cherish those who stick by you. People will have their own opinions, and those opinions may conflict with your own. Don’t worry about them.

    It’s OK to accept donations from your blog. After all, you’re providing all of this content for free. As long as you feel as though you’re doing the right thing, don’t listen to what others have to say about it.

    I’m so glad that you were able to get your Mac, by the way.

    Christina

  • Susan E

    Would you mind posting a blog about those who supported you — either through donations of money or comments/emails/posts of support/confidence/you-go-girl-isms? Those have to be fabulous stories and fabulous people. Thanks for all the work you put into your block — it’s very much appreciated!

    • http://twitter.com/cassie_wallace Cassie Wallace

      This would be awesome. Marian’s blog is one of the few that consistently helps me up my social media game, and has information that I *would* pay for… If I had to. But she doesn’t make her loyal readership pay, instead creating content to help others as is the spirit of the web. When she asked for donations for a new Mac, first I was like wait.. what? Then I realized this was our, as readers of this great content, way to thank Marian for her time and expertise.

  • # SisterWolf

    I’ve recently asked my readers for donations, and I braced myself for critics but it went over okay. In the annals of cyberbullying and trolls, I’d like to nominate this post -http://www.godammit.com/2010/08/06/lets-try-something-new/ and a couple before and after it.

    The trigger was a post I wrote making fun of a popular style blogger’s cockroach necklace. A shitstorm of abuse was unleashed by this girl’s admirers that included swipes at my son, who had committed suicide.

    The experience destroyed my belief in unmoderate comments, not to mention the innate goodness of humankind. Only my stubbornness kept me from leaving the internet.

    I’m interested in where you think the line should be drawn, where trolls are concerned?

    xoSW

  • KristenEmery

    Marian,
    Read your post the day after the tragic shooting of US Rep Giffords in Arizona yesterday, and I just wonder what it is in our human DNA that makes some of us go for the jugular. From what I can see, you contributed voluntarily and it was time for some payback.

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