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Some Lessons I Will Never Learn

by Marian Schembari on September 10, 2010

The internet has this sneaky habit of being one of those places that can make us feel completely incompetent. Doesn’t matter if you’re an SEO specialist, social media consultant, professional blogger or bad ass coder, there is always new shit to learn and it makes my head hurt.

It also makes me feel really stupid.

But I shouldn’t feel stupid… What I’m doing works for me. Sure, maybe I’ve never properly SEO’d my site, refuse to keep a calendar, wake up late, stay in my pajamas all day (apparently a “freelancer no-no”), don’t regularly comment on popular blogs or use Google Reader, but it doesn’t seem to have any sort of effect on my business or site. Maybe.

Yet I always feel like I’m missing something. Like when people talk about their stats or subscriber lists, I generally have no idea what they’re talking about. Is that a bad thing or a sign that I’m a rebel without a cause, refusing to play by the rules? Ha. Regardless…

Rules I Don’t Follow

I will not stress about guest posting for major sites. If it doesn’t fit my personality or I have to pull some idea out of my ass then I won’t do it. Guest posting is all the rage now and it’s making me crazy. I feel like I have to be everywhere, pissing myself over writing for The Holy Grail that is ProBlogger or Zen Habits. Except I find myself brainstorming ideas I would never write about on my own site. Topics I know nothing about.

On that note, I have no desire to become buddy-buddy with “popular bloggers.” I’m sure they’re all lovely people, but there are very few out there who respond to emails, comments, etc. I realize they’re significantly busier than I am, so my question is: Why should I waste my time? To be part of the “in crowd”? What, is this high school? Hells to the no. My favorite relationships are with my readers and the blogs I actually read on a regularly  – regardless of their popularity or traffic.

I will not advertise my reader or subscriber numbers. I won’t pimp out the size of my mailing list. Why? First of all, it’s not that impressive and secondly, I think that’s kind of lame. We’ve all seen those sites advertising 20,000 SUBSCRIBERS! Then we compare them to the site with 120,00 SUBSCRIBERS! Then we come across a crazy awesome blog with 37 subscribers and we write them off. I don’t know, I just don’t dig it.

I will not think about SEO. Sure, I could use some Google referrals – only 12% of my blog traffic comes from search engine traffic – but it’s one more thing to think about and I don’t really understand it or have the time to learn and to be honest, it’s pretty obvious when a blog is hardcore SEO’d. Yes, I realize doing it well means it’s not obvious and there will be tons more traffic because of said SEO, but I have other things to worry about. I don’t think Hyperbole and a Half stresses about her search engine optimization and she’s “internet famous.” Granted, I’m not Hyperbole, but I think if a blog is good enough, word of mouth will spread it, not carefully placed keywords. I’d rather keep my voice – does that make sense?

I will always include outbound links. Screw bounce rate. If it’s valuable I’ll send you their way.

I will not use Google Calendar to organize my life. Does anyone else have the problem where they think they’ll get all organized and start meticulously adding events with descriptions and times and addresses but then after two days they just stop doing it? Cuz that’s me all the time. I just can’t keep it up. However, I did find an AWESOME Firefox plugin (ReminderFox) that’s so easy to update it’s the only way I remember anything.

Here’s the thing: I do realize the value of these “rules.” I’d love to get more Google traffic and think my freelance life would be so much easier if I could organize my time. But I also think it’s important to know yourself and not spend time stressing about all those things you don’t do or understand.

So are there any rules you refuse to follow? It  can be blog related or otherwise but I’m curious to see if I’m the only one…

UPDATE: So many great comments here! If you’re so inclined, share your favorite way to break the blog rules on Twitter. We’re using the #blogrebel hashtag. Join in the conversation!!

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  • Marisa Birns

    Well, I am in pajamas right now, so that’s one rule I don’t follow. And since my blog is a place where I make up stories and write them down, I don’t feel a need to write funny posts about real life. Though many funny/weird/bizarre things happen to me. *thinks hard now about not writing them*

    • Marian Schembari

      Score! Pajamas! I understand that “dressing for work” even if you work from home is good for productivity (apparently), but I like being in my comfy sweats. That’s one of the perks of being self employed! And if I’m not going to take advantage of that perk then it’s like slapping God in the face.

      And you get down with your bad self! Write what YOU want to write – the right people will come, promise.

  • The Yakezie

    Hi Marian,

    12% search traffic is actually pretty darn good! Anybody who can get over 10% I think is doing well.

    I think if bloggers really STOP focusing on doing this and that as you say, and just focus on content, they’ll all be alright, eventually.

    Got to give it to those who are able to GP on bigger sites though. Takes a lot of work and tenacity.

    • Marian Schembari

      Yeah? I have no idea how that shit works!

      To be honest, it would be nice to have a guest post on a major site – I know that’d bring in more traffic and probably more clients. Nothing wrong with that! Trouble is I don’t think my voice “fits” with a lot of other sites and I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not or lose myself in the process.

  • Tracey Selingo

    Despite all that, Marian, we just keep coming back for more. LOL

    I think the “rules” are put in place by a bunch of people who have found what’s worked for them and those of us (can I include myself?) who are more interested in blazing our own trail just keep firing away.

    I could care less how many people are reading your blog; whether or not you’re wearing footie pajamas; and I’m kind of thankful I don’t have to wade through keywords to get the gist of your brilliance.

    Keep doing what you’re doing-it’s extremely engaging.

    • Marian Schembari

      Haha, well tis much appreciated! That’s not to say SEO and guest posting and whatnot don’t work. I’ve done a lot of things (guest posting among them) to help this site grow and they work. Problem is, I still feel like it’s not enough. Like I have to video blog and hold contests and tweet until my fingers bleed. And to be honest, I don’t think that’s what works for ME.

      Anyway, your comment totally rocks and made my day a little brighter :) I would, however, like to point out that I’m in “real clothes” today. But footie pajamas sound amazing. Want.

  • Laurapauling

    I loved this post. Got here from twitter. And I’m with you. I feel like there is this crazy attitude (or greed/lust) of getting a huge number of followers. And people are willing to sell their souls to get it. I think if a blog is good – word will spread. I have no desire to throw contests every week forcing people to follow me and then they never return. I’d rather stress and worry about my writing! Seriously. I’d rather write an awesome book. Because even if I had over a thousand followers – it doesn’t mean my book will be a best seller. It’s all about the writing!!

    • Marian Schembari

      Thanks Laura! I guess it’s kind of the whole “content is king” attitude. I mean, I understand that doesn’t work all the time. You DO need to promote yourself because we’re not all Hyperbole’s or LOL Catz or whatever. It’s just this obsession with numbers and subscribers and where you have and haven’t guest posted. It’s so frustrating! I realize it works for some people but I guess the point of this particular post is to encourage everyone to go at their own pace, do what feels right and hopefully the Awesome will follow.

  • Man of la Book

    I think you hit the nail on the head with this post. Nothing and everything works – you know that, that’s what you do for a living, you build a specific combination of quality strategies to work together for the needs of you clients. There is no magic formula – hard work, persistence and quality will triumph all the gimmicks in the world.

    • Steph Auteri

      You are so right, Man of La Book. Nothing and everything works, and the “rules” are always shifting. Best to just keep your head down and do what you do best.

      • Marian Schembari


  • Pop

    These are great, Marian! I especially agree with google calendar – it takes too much time.

    One blog rule I don’t follow is posting on a regular schedule. I used to try & follow a schedule but found that I was posting just to post. There’s enough crap on the Web – no sense adding more turds.

    • Melissa Breau

      I have to agree with Pop here … and the phrasing totally brightened my morning. I have yet to develop a “regular” posting schedule either and dang-nabbit, I just don’t foresee that ever happening…

    • Man of la Book

      I whole heartily agree.

      If you have nothing to write, don’t write – this whole “one post a day even if you have nothing of substance to say” rule is ridiculous.

    • Marian Schembari

      Yes! I am sooo the same way. I tried to have a weekly feature and post link lists on Fridays but no go. And the whole posting every day thing? Nopers. I say let’s just all post when we want and what we want. I think our blogs will just be that much better for it!! Thanks so much for this, Pop… you are such a little blog rebel!!

  • Alexis Grant

    The SEO thing gets to me, too. I like to arm myself with valuable information, and the more I learn about stuff like SEO, the better of a blogger I become. But so much of SEO is common sense! It’s like, yeah, OBVIOUSLY I’d put important keywords in my post title because, well, that tells the reader what it’s about!

    In my mind, content is queen. Have awesome content — you do, and that’s why I always come back — and you’ll continue to grow your readership.

    • Marian Schembari

      That’s such a great way to put it, Alexis! SEO = common sense. Love. It.

      Also spot on about content being queen. It’s such a cliche, but I think that’s mostly because so many bloggers forget. They spend so much time on keywords and SEO and guest posting and social media that the good stuff is gone. It just gets lost in a sea of crap.

      So happy you’re here in your infinite wisdom and that you call my content “awesome” – makes my day :)

  • Steph Auteri

    I put on pants and a bra today because a realtor was supposed to come by with a client and show her our condo. Then she canceled. And I was all *eff it, I’m putting on the bunny slippers*.

    ANYways, I’m with you on so much of this. I ignore a lot of the rules because, well, mainly, if I tried to follow all of them, I’d never get a damn thing done. I was way excited when I got to guest post for TwiTip (Problogger’s Twitter blog) but, aside from that, I’ve been a total slacker about guest blogging. When people promote their reader/subscriber numbers, it makes me feel very small and insecure. I barely ever check my stats. SEO is a mixed bag. At this point, including strong keywords and keyword phrases comes naturally, but most SEO happens behind the scenes, in the structure of the site itself, and you can’t really game Google because they’re always changing their algorithms.

    And finally, I carry an actual, by-god, non-virtual planner in my purse, and I call it an “agenda,” and people make fun of me.

    Sigh. Ah well. All I can do is keep creating, and hope that what I create finds the right audience organically.

    • Marian Schembari

      Ha! A BRA? REALLY? That’s impressive – more than I ever accomplish! The days I do try and get dressed are the days I force myself out of the house and into a local coffee shop. I like feeling “productive” that way, but when I’m home I want to feel comfortable so sweat pants and tube socks it is!

      I hear you on never getting anything done. If I spent more time on my YouTube channel or editorial schedule or FourSquare I might pick up some more traffic but I’d also have no time to keep the blog ticking! It’s all about picking and choosing I think. Taking things at our own pace and doing things our own way. And that’s why I love YOU.

      Had no idea you’d posted for TwiTip, but that’s awesome! And there’s nothing wrong with guest posting – it’s just something that’s helpful to grow a blog that I rarely get around to because I’m busy, you know, keeping this ole bitch up-to-date.

      And a REAL planner? That’s pretty cool. I find handwriting stuff a great way to remember things, but the organization of a planner is too much for my brain to handle.


  • Jake LaCaze

    When I read your points about how you have no desire to become buddy-buddy with “popular bloggers” and how you will not advertise your reader or subscriber numbers, I wanted to cry because someone felt the same way that I did. I recently unfollowed some of the popular bloggers, and I argued against advertising reader and subscriber counts on Brazen Careerist and some people acted as if I were the craziest man alive.

    I get turned off when I see a blog that says “20,000 subscribers” or whatever, because I sit there and say, “Yeah, but why should I care?” Numbers aren’t all that impressive.

    • Shayna

      I agree… partly b/c I have been known to hit the ‘subscribe’ button, read a couple posts and realize it’s not about what I thought it was, and then totally ignore the blog until I remember to delete the subscription.

    • Marian Schembari

      Haha! Don’t you love finding out that you’re not the only one? I don’t follow any of the “popular guys” on Twitter because a) it’s mostly them talking to other popular kids, b) I can read their content on the site and c) they NEVER respond to me. Now, I totally understand why they can’t respond to everybody. I don’t have 100,000 followers and tons of them @replying me, but I spend a good chunk of the day responding to comments and @replies because it is SO nice to have people actually giving a shit what I have to say and making and effort to engage with me. That’s something that feels like the biggies take for granted. Does that make sense?

      So glad you agree though! And eff those Brazen folks, we should just do what we want and reap the benefits when everyone starts realizing we’re awesome ;-)

  • Anonymous

    This post makes me feel so much better. I don’t have the time to follow half of the “rules” out there and it always makes me feel like such a slacker. I whole-heartedly agree on the posting of subscription numbers – it’s totally a turn-off. I read blogs or subscribe to newsletters because the content speaks to me, not because I want to be subscriber 20,001.

    • Marian Schembari

      You’re definitely not a slacker! And many of the blogs I subscribe to are the sites I can’t live without – most of them can’t brag more than 100 subscribers and to be honest? That’s part of the appeal.

  • Melissa Breau

    Yesterday I worked from home and didn’t change out of my Pj’s till 5 pm. Furthermore, I had a MUCH more productive day than I typically do at the office. And I am totally not in favor of changing your tone for anyone–heck lady, if you wouldn’t change it when it *sent you to jail* why would you change it for someone else’s blog?

    If you’re going to guest post on major blogs you should look for ones that fit your voice – Like Terrible Minds ( or other sites that enjoy an editorially interesting tone instead of just promoting helpful information in the least offensive way possible (I say that as one of those bloggers who is still developing a voice).

    What else don’t I do? I don’t stress about spending x number of hours a day doing work. I can’t. Sometimes I’m just too burnt out to write. It happens. So while I do try to do something to further my business, I give myself permission to spend the time browsing craig’s list for writing gigs or “marketing” on twitter, or even doing research / reading to improve my skill set, instead of writing.

    Overall, I think the key is figuring out what works for you and if it lets you pay the bills and makes you happy then… do it. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

    • Marian Schembari

      Haha! I have to say, if I make an effort to sit down and do my work (usually doing the Pomodoro Technique) it doesn’t matter if I’m freaking naked – that whole piece of advice that we need to dress professionally to be successful freelancers might just not be good advice for EVERYONE. I like to be comfortable and sit in bed writing for awhile. And that’s okay! The whole notion that only one kind of method works is just ridiculous.

      Same for guest posting. You’re right about tone. Most of the places I’ve guest posted have been readers of mine or places where I comment regularly. I guess there are a few sites with a “voice” similar to my own, it’s just about finding them and developing relationships. Nothing wrong with that!!

      And a big AMEN to not spending a certain number of hours doing work. It’s kind of like kids who get home-schooled. Most of us went to school from 7:30ish to 2:30ish. Basically 7 hours straight of being in school then go home and do homework, when kids who were learning at home will only study for 4 or 5 hours and get the same amount done. I find the “traditional” workday very incredibly limiting. I may not work 9-to-5 but I know I get way more done (and it’s more fun!) than I did at my real job last year. Great addition!!

  • Michael Senchuk

    I’ve done a handful of guest posts, and I get kind of a kick seeing my name appear elsewhere, but it’s only been in cases where the blog didn’t fit my two blogs (music/business). So when I had something to say about a TV show, I just started writing it, and eventually it found a home elsewhere — same with some statistics I started putting together on the NHL. If I’ve got great content, I’d rather have it on my site, even if that means fewer people will read it.
    I try to do a decent job of SEO-ing, but I’m sure there is tonnes more I could do – I’ll get to it sometime down the road.
    I have a weekly spreadsheet calendar (Monday-Friday) just to keep track of what posts I need to write that week. And I have another massive spreadsheet for my music blog of bands I need to check out, and I’ve written about (the former is for my purpose; the latter is because I get asked about it a lot).
    I’m at the place right now that my music blog met all the milestones I wrote down within its first two months of existence, and then some. I’ve written down a bunch more goals for the next few months, and we’ll see how it goes. I’m one of those people that looks at my blog, and then thinks, what should I do next – and at this point I think it’s just a matter of writing good content and continuing what I’m doing.
    BTW – I only *wish* that I was in the place where I could work from home and not change out of my night clothes (although I think I’d get some serious grief from my wife about it).

    • Marian Schembari

      Oh, I get a *total* kick out of seeing my name elsewhere. That said, I know what you mean about wanting the “good content” on your own site. I wrote this AWESOME post about why people need proper Twitter backgrounds and I figured I’d send it to a “bigger blog” to get more readers. The blog did send some new subscribers my way but I also kind of regret not having a great post on my own site.

      I’m impressed by your weekly calendar though! Part of me kind of wishes I had one, but every time I’ve tried that it doesn’t really work for me. Guess that’s not my posting personality. Am a little jealous you’ve been able to keep that up though!

      Sounds like you’re doing a rocking job though of keeping to a strict schedule and building up your site accordingly. I’m super excited to see how it grows!

    • Marian Schembari

      Oh, I get a *total* kick out of seeing my name elsewhere. That said, I know what you mean about wanting the “good content” on your own site. I wrote this AWESOME post about why people need proper Twitter backgrounds and I figured I’d send it to a “bigger blog” to get more readers. The blog did send some new subscribers my way but I also kind of regret not having a great post on my own site.

      I’m impressed by your weekly calendar though! Part of me kind of wishes I had one, but every time I’ve tried that it doesn’t really work for me. Guess that’s not my posting personality. Am a little jealous you’ve been able to keep that up though!

      Sounds like you’re doing a rocking job though of keeping to a strict schedule and building up your site accordingly. I’m super excited to see how it grows!

  • Carin S.

    I am wearing PJs right now too! But thanks to the reminder, I’ll be getting in the shower shortly! BTW, I met the new director of the Career Center at DC yesterday and I mentioned you and your Pajama Job Hunt to him. You really should pursue them for referrals!

  • Ty Unglebower

    I don’t follow any of those rules either. Furthermore, I despise the entire notion of “social proof”.

    I also recently learned that those people with thousands of followers or subscribers have often paid money for services that automatically subscribe people, just to inflate their numbers. I honestly didn’t know about such programs before, but now that I do, I’m less impressed by subscriber numbers than I used to be. And I never used to be…

    • Marian Schembari

      Social proof is an interesting thing. I just responded to a comment about how I don’t *think* it convinces me of anything, but who knows. The whole psychology thing is a little beyond me.

      I understand the need for testimonials and references but bragging about numbers and subscribers and stuff? I don’t know… I think most of us are smart enough to see through that.

      And I had NO IDEA about paying money for subscribers. That’s beyond messed up! That said, their numbers can be whatever they want but it won’t change the fact that no real person is reading and engaging. Their loss!

  • Marian Schembari

    RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn

  • Marian Schembari

    {latest post} Some Lessons I Will Never Learn

  • Marian Schembari

    Anyone know why my latest post says "moz screenshot…" before the content? Can't for the life of me figure it out (

  • Man of la Book

    One question: how do you brag about subscriber numbers if there is really no way to measure RSS subscribers?

    • Shayna

      If you use Feedburner there’s a widget that shows the number of subscribers.

    • Siany

      Do a search for your site in Google Reader and it’ll tell you how many subscribers you have.

    • Marian Schembari

      Like Siany and Shayna have mentioned below, there are a few ways to measure RSS subscribers. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to brag about them!

      I actually just read a post though about making RSS numbers public because it makes people think they’re missing out by NOT subscribing. The writer said, “This plays a little on the psychology. It is “social proof” that you’ve got it going on and when people see that, many times, they will follow suit and subscribe because they don’t want to miss out on what all those other people are seeing.”

      I don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, it makes a lot of sense but I’ve never subscribed to a blog because I see lots of other people doing it. I only subscribe to sites I’ve been reading for ages. Because I have experienced the content first hand I KNOW the site is good. I don’t need “social proof” to convince me. Thoughts?

      • Man of la Book

        One word – Sheeple :)

  • stephauteri

    is commenting on @marianschembari's post about breaking all the (#blogging) rules:

  • Jake LaCaze

    RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn – Are there any rules that you refuse to follow?

  • Camille

    It never would have occurred to me not to ‘link out’! Is having a large readership more important than what you actually have to share with them? Ick.

    • Marian Schembari

      Right? It wasn’t until recently that I noticed sites doing that. My biggest pet peeves are the major news sites. Aren’t they supposed to be providing accurate information? Give credit to your sources! I’ve been quoted on a few major news sites like CNN, TIME and Real Simple. *None* of them gave a link back to my site – how is that fair?

  • Shayna

    This is an AMAZING post – and I agree! I find the big blogs beyond snooty (sorry, I don’t have a more mature word), and I hate reading blogs that don’t link to what they’re talking about. It’s not providing value to me if I have to first Google the topic of conversation, so I don’t do that to my readers either. :-D

    • Marian Schembari

      Wow, thanks Shayna! I know what you mean about being “snooty” (LOVE that word), it makes me not want to be part of their community or model my community off theirs. Many of the bigger blogs seem a little pretentious and cliquey from the outside. Apparently it’s not just me that feels that way, too. Am glad I’m not the only one!

  • Carin S

    I am wearing PJs right now too! But thanks to the reminder, I’ll be getting in the shower shortly! BTW, I met the new director of the Career Center at DC yesterday and I mentioned you and your Pajama Job Hunt to him. You really should pursue them for referrals!

    • Marian Schembari

      I totally should… Thanks for mentioning me!

      And real clothes and showers are totally overrated ;-)

  • Kim Ta

    RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn

  • Ziemba

    Some Lessons I Will Never Learn via @MarianSchembari SPOT ON article Marian is keeping her voice, as we all should.

  • Lindsey Donner

    Holy crap, @marianschembari just wrote my favorite blog post, possibly ever. Agree, agree, agree & I tell clients too.

  • Jennifer Gresham

    RT @lindsey_donner: Holy crap, @marianschembari just wrote my favorite blog post, possibly ever. Agree, agree, agree …

  • Abby Kerr

    RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn | Breaking all the blogging "rules" & still rocking it!

  • Jesse Blayne

    good one -> RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn

  • Katherine M. Gordon

    Love this, Marian. As a copywriter, I HATE it when clients ask me to optimize their site for SEO. I joke that SEO stands for Say Everything Over and Over. Therefore I also just write my blog from my heart and trust that the right people will find it, subscribe to it and tweet about it. Funny thing: I just started a second Twitter handle for a conference I’m starting and am loving the experience (again) of having few subscribers, but all who are completely related to my mission. Everything is relevant. As your influence grows, many times you follow certain people who are following you, only to have their tweets pollute your stream and keep you from the real meaty stuff you love.

    • Marian Schembari

      Aaaaahahahaha! Say Everything Over and Over. I LOVE THAT! And it’s so (unfortunately) true…

      So cool that you’re enjoying the relevant followers – it’s really an excellent reminder of what social media is truly about :)

  • Laura R. Espinosa

    RT @abbykerr: RT @marianschembari: Some Lessons I Will Never Learn | Breaking all the blogging "rules" & still rock …

  • Giulietta Nardone

    Hi Marian,

    Your blog title intrigued me when I saw your comment elsewhere. I love your disobedience of course! It’s my thing as well.

    i’m with you on the lack of comments from some folks. it’s supposed to be about interacting — that seems to get lost at times. even though its allegedly social networking. the social part often gets tossed out the door.

    and the guest blogging, etc.

    part of the “we’re never enough syndrome” that has us galloping full speed ahead through our lives even when there’s an iceberg in front of us. am into enjoying my life during my visit on the planet. don’t need to whip myself …

    there’s no right or wrong on the Internet. we need to do what feel right to us! Thank you for pointing this out …

    love your fire!

    p.s. I wrote a piece on Jean Harlow for Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader awhile back. She wore all sorts of pretty pajama bottoms. so I got a few myself. they feel great. why must we wear uncomfortable costumes when we work? makes no sense.

    • Marian Schembari

      Giulietta, you are so sweet, thank you! And I adore the “disobedience” aspect of it. That should probably be my tagline: Social Media Disobedience maybe? ;-)

      Anyway, sounds like you and I are on very similar pages when it comes to saying SCREW IT to the “we’re never enough” syndrome. Go us!

  • Lakesha Brown

    Marian girl, I love your posts! I’m so glad you have the voice you do because it’s REAL and it speaks to me! I too feel like I haven’t done enough SEO or blog commenting or whatever else supposed to be the thing to do today when tomorrow will only bring so much more. I tried keeping up but my to do list got so long that I just got frustrated and started scratching stuff off thinking, “I don’t have to ALL this!” Besides, trying to conform to the “in thing of the day” makes us lose ourselves…Anyway, keep the great realism coming and we will follow ;-)

  • Kate

    I love your rules – I don’t stress about numbers either! I also linked this over at Kate’s Library as part of my Friday Five.

  • Sally

    I’m in my pyjamas right now. It doesn’t have any effect on my freelance work except for making me feel comfortable!!

  • Sally

    I’m in my pajamas right now. It doesn’t have any effect on my freelance work except for making me feel comfortable!!

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