I’m in love. “Unconditionally and irrevocably.” With a potential job.

As I write this I’m in my pajamas working from home – as per usual. I love what I do. I love working for myself… But damn.

Here’s the story:

This past month has been a little rocky. I left my part-time day job to devote myself 100% to freelancing. I was at that point where I was getting enough business that I could afford to work for myself, but not enough to live “comfortably.” But I did it anyway and took that leap.

Then I found out that I need to leave my current living situation, resulting in the first time ever in the history of the world where the love of my life (aka my roommate, Desi) and I will no longer be living together. This is depressing in and of itself. But add to that moving costs, finding another apartment (which will most likely be significantly less awesome than where I am now) and the fact that I couldn’t find a cosigner for my culinary school loan, and my dreams have been all but tabled.

Basically I was a teeny tiny upset.

However…

Then I wake up this morning and it’s 55 degrees and the sun is shining and not only do I have a seriously awesome apartment lead (it’s a sublet and there’s a piano) but the first thing I see on Craigslist is an ad for this job… at… wait for it… THE INSTITUTE OF CULINARY EDUCATION:

The Public Relations Associate position is a full-time position, reporting to the company’s Director of Sales & Marketing. The ideal candidate is eager to burst onto the Public Relations and food-scene. The candidate should be immersed in or passionately interested in the world of food, cooking, chefs, and restaurants – and appreciate the value of education.

By the Hammer of Thor!

I’m not even kidding you. This job exists. And it was literally hand crafted for me, I’m sure of it.

My Application

I’ve been spending all day working on an incredibly personal email to the Director of Sales and Marketing, crafting a bad ass cover letter, touching up my long neglected resume, tweeting about it, finding every possible spec of information on ICE’s online presence, writing this blog post as a supplement to my application AND creating a marketing plan. Too much? Honestly, I could care less right now.

Here’s a fun little excerpt from my email to the press office: “I’ve attached a more ‘traditional’ cover letter outlining my accomplishments and qualifications based on exactly what you’re looking for, but I just wanted this email to be a little more personal, a little more passionate than your stereotypical job application. And in case you want to see some of my ideas in action, I’ve attached a short proposal on how ICE can continue to grow in the media….

We can have videos on DICED of students preparing certain recipes and asking questions, interviews with chef instructors, book giveaways, contests/coupons on the Facebook fan page, tweets with special tips and sneak peeks for followers… the opportunities online are endless, fun and beyond exciting!”

Think I have a shot? Everyone keep their fingers crossed and if you know anyone at ICE, pass my info along, will ya?

Will keep you posted!

About a month ago I considered paying someone to do my blog redesign because I felt it wasn’t snazzy or professional enough to do the job. Now that I’m 100% self employed I figured my website was THE most important thing I’ve got going for me.

Well, life happened, and I can no longer afford to hire a web designer, but I still stress that my site isn’t awesome enough to impress anyone.

I know my About page could use some work, my blog isn’t the prettiest thing on the planet and I keep reading that I need a mailing list/newsletter. You know, for the 12 people who would sign up. I also think I need some form of logo.

But am I obsessing for no reason? It’s not like people stumble upon my blog and decide it’s so cool they need to hire me. Most of my business comes from referrals via connections I’ve made on Twitter or through blog comments. Actually, hold on, scratch that. I’ve received two emails from random people who’ve stumbled on my stuff but they’ve either wanted me to work for free or join them in a sketchy business venture. No thanks.

Anyhoozey, the reason I started thinking about this post is because I generally Google people before I have meetings with them and the past two or three times I haven’t really found anything. No website or Twitter account. Which usually blows my mind – how can you freelance without this stuff? But they apparently do it successfully and are full of awesome and aren’t slaves to social media networking.

Yesterday I signed up for AWeber to start a mailing list (I actually have a cool idea for a promotion thingy – I know, super technical) but I can’t figure out how to put it on my site. Is it that hard? Apparently since I can’t figure it out or work HTML for shit. I feel like I should get Thesis but am nervous about losing everything in the process since I have no idea how to back my site up. I finally got Disqus to do my comments (which I think looks and works much better) but so far that’s the limit.

I heart technology so I feel like it’s  bit of a disgrace that I don’t know how to build a decent website. Like I said in my last post, I’m not sure asking questions will result in the most comments, but I would really like your opinion. What would you add to my site? Take away? Blunt honesty always appreciated.

The other night I was checking my email while a friend was over. I saw that someone had commented on my blog – which always gets me goin’ -  so I went to check on this awesomeness. After seeing that my most recent post had 19 comments (a HUGE amount for someone like me) I went a little giddy.

Until my lovely friend called me a “comment whore”. His words exactly: “Oh. You’re not one of those comment whores are you?”

Why yes, Charles, yes I am.

And p.s.? Bite me.

So I tweeted it (because that’s what us social media sluts do nowadays). RedoingMedia responded, saying, “@marianschembari proof positive that this is not the person for you????”

Which got me thinking. There’s this super-specific blogging community that you only understand if you’re knee-deep in the trenches. So maybe my friends don’t 100% get why I dig comments, but anyone else with a blog understands how vital they are to not only your site’s survival, but to your sanity/ego/motivation to move forward with your life.

We judge a blog entirely on its comments. I could give less of a shit if you get millions of readers every month, but if you’re getting 100 comments per post you are the cat’s pajamas. If you’re in PR you understand that reaching out to bloggers is important. But which bloggers do you contact? Those who are part of something bigger? The columnists for AOL? The biggies on HuffPo? Or do you go to the ones who have established their own little “cult followings”? People like The Bloggess or Marie Forleo…

Darren Rowse on Problogger wrote a post, 7 Questions to Ask On Your Blog to Get More Reader Engagement(one of many on that site doesn’t say much but has an enticing header), on how using questions is THE number one way to get people talking. Chris Brogan says this too. In fact, most of his posts end in a question, but I’m not fully convinced this is why he gets so many people talking.

To be perfectly honest, the reason I comment on blogs isn’t because people ask. From my experience, both with my own comments and seeing why other people write, here are the top reasons I comment a blog post:

• The blogger has said something I agree or disagree with strongly
• I want to congratulate someone on a new job/baby/engagement/personal success
• Something is hilarious and I want to add my own experience
• Something is so amazing I couldn’t possibly leave the website without letting the blogger know how amazing they are but am too lazy to write an email (There is a fine line. Remember that.)
• There’s some form of list, usually in advice-form, where I have something to contribute

Ryan Rancatore writes on his blog, Personal Branding 101, that one of the top 5 uncommon ways to measure social media success is through comments per page view.

20 Something Bloggers even has a group called We love comments! that has over 1,000 members. I know I’m not alone. If you have a blog, you are… a comment whore.

My posts with the most comments:

• In which I consider a move across the country and plead for some unbiased insight (19)
• 9 Tips for Promoting Blog Creativity (11)
• Why I hate reading other people’s blogs (10)
• A rant on choosing only one career (9)
• Books are cheaper now, get over it… (8)

So we’ve got two personal posts, one “helpful” post and two controversial ones. Here are Penelope Trunk’s most commented:

The Facebook ads I posted back in July resulted in a little bit of press, mostly due to the awesome Debbie Stier of HarperStudio, but also because I’m absurdly cool. Some of that press wasn’t so positive, and since another pretty negative blog post cropped up recently I want to address some of the factors other bloggers have mentioned.

Facebook ads can’t replace traditional networking.

Traditional networking is dead. Give me one person who likes to stand around awkwardly in a room full of strangers cradling the ubiquitous “classy” plastic cup and I’ll give you 1,000 who’d rather break a kneecap.

I wouldn’t consider myself a shy person, but in groups of people I pretend I have a super important call and usually stand on the sidelines until some nice person decides they feel horribly bad for me and make some form of small talk for 5 minutes until they realize I’m incredibly boring. But give me one person. Give me a blog friend or the president of a major publishing house and I can schmooze with the rest of them. I like one-on-one, but it’s hard to find that one person unless you “know a guy” (insert heavy NYC-Italian accent here) or successfully attended one of these networking events.

Social media (including, but not limited to, Facebook ads) puts you in touch with hundreds of people you might never have had the balls to approach otherwise. Social media has the ability to foster some incredibly important – and mutually beneficial – relationships. People need to stop freaking out about how the internet makes things “less personal” just because many interactions are no longer face-to-face. I have developed more personal and wonderful and important relationships in the past 6 months than I ever did doing things the “traditional” way. And I’m positive my fellow tech-savvy, social-media-at-the-ready, scared-of-groups comrades would agree.

Ads make you look desperate.

You know what? The economy sucks and it’s harder than ever to get a job, so if you’re unemployed, you’re most likely desperate. Not to mention the fact that sending out generic cover letters and cold calling is a rude and impersonal act of desperation.

Cecelia Martinez over at Dcecelia.com, Joe Grimm of Poynter Online and Caitlin McDevitt on The Big Money wrote that the ads are creepy and gimmicky. Gimmicky? Maybe. But you have to back the ads up with substance, you can’t just sit back and wait for jobs to come to you. When I think of a “gimmick” I think misrepresentation. Devious. As for creepy? Bite me. Honestly, you don’t want people targeting you on Facebook because of where you work, your age or what your interests are, don’t post them. It’s that simple.

It doesn’t work.

Let’s check out two quotes:

“But did Facebook help Schembari land her dream job? Not sure.” ~ Rachel Kaufman, Media Jobs Daily

“There hasn’t been word that any one of these ads has helped these job seekers gain anything more than a little bit of publicity on employment blogs.” ~ Cecelia Martinez, Dcecelia.com

Here’s where I brag: First of all, um, I got a job, and I’ve already bitched about Kaufman’s definition of a “dream job.” Secondly, check out my press page again. Do it. Do it now. About three of those articles came about without any help from me. Any other press I received I got through contacting journalists through HARO, finding like-minded people on Twitter and through my freelance work at Digital Book World.

Like I said earlier, you can’t just put up an ad (something that takes balls but basically zero skill, time or money) and expect shit to happen.

To summarize, here’s a snippet of my comment on Dcecelia’s blog:

[The ads] just help get your name out there, which can often be the hardest part. Applying through job boards is a supreme waste of time and ultimately, while I did leave the job I got through the ads, there were a variety of reasons behind that decision, one of which was that I’ve been getting so much freelance work I don’t need a 9 to 5.

To be honest, if you’re looking for a traditional job through a traditional company, the ads may be a waste of time and money. That’s the first mistake. But if people think you’re “innovative” (a word that makes HR managers cry like 12-year-old girls) it doesn’t really matter if the ads reek of desperation. I know so many more people because of these ads and am now able to keep those connections, get freelance work, do said work from home, make more money, not have a boss AND go to culinary school. So total lameness aside, I would call the ads a complete success.

I’m pretty sure (about 97%) that I’m moving to Portland. Oregon.

As in, not New York.

Which makes both parents want to murder me (if only to keep my here I suppose). Doesn’t matter that I lived abroad for a year and saw them a grand total of 3 times. No, apparently there aren’t as many “opportunities” in the Pacific Northwest. Wtf?

Here’s the thing: I’ve always assumed I would “end up” in New York. I mean, it’s New-effing-York. The Big Apple/city that never sleeps/land of good and plenty, blady blah blah blah. Maybe it’s because I grew up in an NYC suburb or because all the women in my family are crazy successful awesome ladies and New York is apparently the place to be if you’re going to be an independent woman with a snazzy career and briefcase to match.

U.S.A. vs Everywhere Else

I’ve seen more of the world than the United States. While I was living abroad in 2007 and 2008 I realized this weird and crazy fact, that is also mildly depressing. How could I not know anything about my own country? My globetrotter parents were adamant their kids would see the world and we totes went on road trips in big cars with fold down seats. I hated them (the road trips, not the seats. The seats were cool). Mean that my memories of Yellowstone and the Southeast and Canada are not my fondest – apparently I have sleep tourettes. But only when I sleep in a tent with 5 other people, three of whom are smelly boys. I really wish I was kidding.

With that in mind, I thought the world revolved around New York. Both my parents (who I love and adore and ardently respect) worked here at big important jobs meeting big important people. New York was really my first experience with a big city. Then I moved to London and fell head over hells in love. A year later and I vacationed with my bestest friends in San Diego and fell in love again. And I’m starting to realize I don’t actually like New York, never mind love.

Things I Will Not Miss and Things I Currently Do

I miss nature and greenery not confined to a park. I’d be more than happy to get rid of the crowded streets, noise, the smell of urine, the smell of “meat”, dirty/run-down/rat-infested public transportation, scowls, feeling like a bitch all the time, being surrounded by bitches all the time and did I mention noise? I know I can’t do country living as I get bored quite easily but I need a city that’s a little more hippy and outdoorsy than the Big A. New York does indeed have everything and I know there are groups here that drive up to the Catskills but I need it to not be such a trek. I need something slower. Let’s brash and painfully obvious (i.e. pretentious).

Over the past six months I’ve learned to seriously rely on myself and trust my instincts but I’m nevertheless letting the doubts of my parents influence how I think. Will moving out of the Center of the Universe ruin all my hard work? Can I handle leaving all of my greatest and oldest friends and start off brand-spanking new? Can I even afford a move across the country?

Can I Do It Anywhere?

The beauty of freelance and social media work is that you can do it in New York or in a tiny cellar at a farmhouse about 10 miles south of Tikrit. It can’t be that difficult to find clients in Portland, right?

I interviewed Jane Friedman (based in Ohio) for a Digital Book World post and wrote: “She says her Midwestern location makes her feel a little removed and makes it much harder to keep up with the rapid changes happening in the industry. On the other hand, that distance also gives her a great perspective which, coupled with the job itself, means she’s not biased about which direction publishing goes in.”

So as of right now the plan is to head over there in March or April to scope the place out. Meet with people in publishing and social media, check out the bakeries, maybe tour a culinary school… If I love it, then hopefully I’ll be able to move out there in 2011. We’ll just have to see. If anyone has any advice, knows people in Oregon and/or has done something similar, pleasepleaseplease, advise away.

Here are two excellent links that can help get anyone going:

Penelope’s Guide to Blogging

Chris Brogan’s Best Advice About Blogging

I am in no way the expert so seriously take what I say with a grain of salt. Entirely possible I’ll be useless, but I hope this provides at least a little food for thought and is moderately helpful in its own… special… way.

By most accounts, the 2010 Digital Book World Conference delivered on its promise of “practicality, not punditry”, but that doesn’t mean it was perfect. One notable misstep was “The New Farm System: Scouting Blogs and Self-Publishers for Commercial Books” session. With panelists representing ICM, Simon & Schuster and Gotham Books, expectations were high, but by the end, those expectations weren’t met and attendees were left with incomplete and unsatisfactory answers to many of their questions.

Most attendees went into the session already knowing that popular blogs get book deals; Julie and Julia was even referenced in the session’s description. With so many amazing blogs out there, though, finding one that can be successful offline is as much an art as it is science.

One of the major challenges publishers face in the digital age is that every piece of information you could possibly want is available somewhere online. Many have decided to see this as an opportunity, and according to Gotham Books Editor Patrick Mulligan, more than 50 blogs received book deals in 2009.

ForeWord Reviews publisher, Victoria Sutherland, moderating the panel, noted: “The problem with this session is that these guys don’t want to give away too many of their secrets.”

They were so intent on hoarding those secrets, in fact, that most of their discussion revolved around a few pretty obvious points:

• Blogs most likely to get a publishing deal have great traffic, are highly regarded in their industry/niche, are linked to frequently, and are well written.

Okay, well…

It’s pretty easy to find a popular blog and give the blogger a book deal. What I was hoping to learn was what some of these blogs were doing that had generated so much traffic; what insights had their writers offered that made them so highly regarded; who was linking to them and why?

“If you’re funny & your voice is unique,” Mulligan offered, “people will come to it.”

“It was a lot easier a few years ago when there were fewer people on the web and fewer people looking,” offered ICM’s Kate Lee, choosing not to discuss her methodology in a room of publishing gurus looking for tips on finding the next bestseller.

I was hoping to learn how the panelists find the little-known gems, like design*sponge, the little blog that could, with its cult following and a forthcoming book (Fall/Winter 2010 – Artisan Books). How do those bloggers get discovered and get book deals?

During the Q&A, the audience had some great questions for the panelists, though many weren’t satisfactorily answered:

Is there a magic number for viewership when looking at blogs?

Mulligan said he usually sees viewership in the millions, but he also talked a lot about working with novelty blogs powered by user-generated-content (eg: Lolcats, Chuck Norris Facts). No one else gave numbers, though. Mulligan also mentioned that it’s hard to determine what the blog will look like when it becomes a book; you “have to judge the staying power.”

How do you make sure a book is not an exact replica of the site?

Simon & Schuster’s Sulay Hernandez noted that, with Smart Bitches Trashy Books, it’s not just the blog in book form, but also the author’s thoughts on the romance industry.

“No publisher wants to reproduce what is available for free online,” said Lee.

How much extra material can a blogger provide?

While the panelists all emphasized that added value is really important, Mulligan warned that you can’t go so far in the editing that it no longer resembles the blog.

When a blog is user submitted, how do you get permission?

For sites featuring user-generated-content, it can be difficult to get permissions, especially with photos where the person who submitted them isn’t the actual photographer. Some sites are easier than others, though; on Texts from Last Night, users give permission before submitting anything. Contractually speaking however, Lee says that it’s the author’s responsibility and that, in terms of plagiarism, it’s not something she’s really had a problem with.

What’s the process for finding blogs and what kind of advances are we looking at?

** Silence. **

I get why editors and agents would want to keep their numbers and sources close, but to be perfectly honest, this kind of attitude is a little disconcerting. Why agree to be a panelist if you’re just going to censor yourself?

According to the DBW website, the conference focused “specifically on the challenges and opportunities facing consumer book publishers… presenting strategies that can be implemented immediately.” With panels on everything from agents to eBooks to social media, I personally feel the conference more than delivered on its promise.

The New Farm System session, though, was an exception. The attendees came to hear how these talented editors and agents scouted new writers and interesting book ideas; what they, too, could do to take advantage of this great opportunity – but as Sutherland noted, the panelists weren’t looking “to give away too many of their secrets.”

Remember folks, we’re all supposed to be in this together.

Experience comes with time, and the longer on Twitter the better I understand it and the more frustrated I get with people who are just starting out. I’m aware, by the way, of what I horrible bitch I am.

(I think) I researched a little before really going at it and understood the basics. Which I guess means that the 2 people reading this already know how to use Twitter and this post is useless. Regardless, some things I really wish people would try and understand before joining, using and abusing the Twitterverse:

1. (I like lists, get over it) If you don’t have a bio and you start following me, I’m not going to follow you back. Why? Because I don’t know who the hell you are. I also don’t care if you have cats, enjoy long walks on the beach or love to “inspire, bewilder and bemuse.” I want to know what you do and what you tweet about. I want a link.

2. I’ve said this before so I won’t beat it into the ground, but please stop self-promoting all the time. It’s boring.

3. Don’t follow 5,000 people on your first day because it makes you look desperate. Follow people that are relevant and interested to you. It’s all about quality, not quantity, baby.

4. Tweet AT LEAST 5 to 10 times before following anyone. We don’t want to follow you if you obviously have nothing to say.

5. Am realizing now this is just a rant post spurred on by the fact that 10 people started following me today and had no bios. So seriously, stop reading, I honestly have nothing interesting to say today.

Twitter is basically my most favorite social media tool ever. It drives traffic, is easy and spark conversation. But if you don’t use it right it’s insanely annoying and I will block you. Or spam you back. Depends on my mood.

You know how people say everyone should work as a waiter so we know how to be better restaurant-goers? Well, everyone should work in retail. Mostly to make me stopping wanting to kill people.

So really, this is a public service announcement.

I recently took a part-time job to pay the bills as my freelance work started growing. The job and my coworkers are surprisingly awesome but I’m dangerously close to lighting the building on fire while at the exact moment it’s filled with customers. Seriously ya’ll, people are idiots. So out of the goodnes of my heart, here are some tips for ANY TIME YOU EVER PURCHASE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE:

1. When standing in line, for the love of God please take out your wallet before heading to the counter. Not only does it annoy the crap out of me when people spent 45 minutes fumbling for their wallets, but you’re holding up the line! What the hell else are you doing in line besides waiting to pay!?!?

2. If you’re purchasing tickets with someone and the cashier asks how many, they couldn’t give a flying fuck how many people you’re watching the movie/show/concert with. They want to know how many tickets you plan to purchase. Because when they ring up the random number you give them and then you tell them, “um… no, could we pay separately?” they are secretly wanting to stab you in the face.

3. Before asking a question that your cashier friend (CF from now on) has heard 735 times before, look in the immediate vacinity. There is a 99% chance your question is answered in sign form for the exact purpose of preserving our sanity.

4. If you have a coupon, discount card, student ID or something that gives you money off your purchase, give it to your CF before they ring you up. Thank you.

5. You know when you cutely argue with your friend or significant other about who’s going to pay? It’s actually not cute and you’re putting your CF in an akward position, especially (oh-my-God-I-hate-this-so-much) when you both shove money in their face and ask him/her to choose.

6. Please remember this: we don’t make the rules. This is something that gets me every time – whether you’re a waiter or flipping burgers or selling clothes – the person behind the counter is the voice of their boss and not your punching bag. If you have a problem, ask for the manager and please stop yelling at me.

7. We are also not a bank. If the store has just opened and you’re buying a pair of socks with a $100 bill, I’m sorry, I either don’t have change or am going to give you $98 in ones. You’re fault = not my problem.

8. Tell your CF what you want. Buying tickets? Don’t just stand there like a complete douche waiting for them to read your mind. Buying something? Put it on the counter; we honestly can’t see through solid objects. Promise.

The past month or so has been interesting for my writing career. I’ve stopped just writing for myself because the occasional person has offered to exchange my writing for the green stuff. Which is weird. But awesome. Weird because ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a writer. I kept a little writer’s notebook (courtesy of the greatest inspirational book for any young writer), pretended to be Harriet the Spy and kind of wished I could be my dad. Weird because now I’m doing it. Years and a hundred mind changes later and I can officially call myself a writer. Which is where the awesome part comes in.

Except lately I’m been staring at a blank screen trying to find the perfect word. I agonize over every sentence and read things over and over again until the words start sounding weird. (You totally know when that happens. When you say a word a million times and it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore?) And I think to myself: why is this happening? I’ve never had writers block. Writing has always been easier for me than talking. Than anything, really. After about an hour of this yesterday I just decided to write like I thought. Cuss words, “like” and “totally” peppered throughout. A little aggressive. And the strangest thing happened – everything started flowing again.

Some of my now paid writing is a little more professional then the occasional “shit” and “totally” so I went back and removed them from my press release/article/thesis/etc. Doing that didn’t change my voice though, and I keep forgetting why these people hired me. My parents and various other older professionals tell me to watch what I put on the blog. That bringing up my day job or any other such inappropriate nonsense could jeopardize future work. Which is totally possible. But I feel like now I can afford to only take jobs from people who actually get who I am and how I write. I understand the need to tailor your writing to each client but I’ve also learned it’s much easier to put yourself into the words first and edit later.