travel

What it Means to be an Expat

by Marian Schembari on November 23, 2011

Before I started moving to various countries, the concept of an “expat” was completely foreign to me(see what I did there?). I imagined the worldly but spoiled children of diplomats, fancy French people having fancy French dinner parties and the occasional mid-twenties backpacker traveling the world to get as far away from America as possible. The worst was imagining groups of these expats living in whatever foreign country and only hanging out with people from their own country and spending extraordinary amounts of money on foods from home. I scoffed in the face of expats.

And I’ve only just realized I now am one after spendindg $8 on a can of pumpkin to have some semblance of Thanksgiving today (remember: NZ is a day ahead).

Maybe it’s the upcoming holidays that’s making me feel so homesick.

After a lot of back and forth, it doesn’t look like I’m going home for Christmas. While there’s pretty much nothing I want more than to see my family, my best friends and spend the holidays in a country where there’s snow in December, the thought of spending $3,000 on a flight makes me choke. I think about all the other things I can spend that money on – a better apartment, seeing parts of f New Zealand I haven’t yet… even just chucking that money in a savings account for whenever I do come home.

So I’m staying here. And missing Thanksgiving too, my favorite holiday of all time. A holiday that’s essentially been the same event in my family home for my entire life. The food, the company, the music and the strangers and family friends who inevitably end up at our rather loud table.

A few weeks ago I talked to my grandma for the first time since Christmas. We usually only talk for ten minutes or so because she doesn’t want to “keep me” but I couldn’t love that woman more. So the thought of not seeing her for another year kills me.

Then I talked to two of my brothers. Again, for the first time in almost a year. The two of them – buff and manly teenagers mind you – were curled up in bed together with the computer on their laps telling me about Joe’s driver’s permit and Sam’s studies. It couldn’t have been more awesome talking to them, but it only makes the homesickness worse. (Even though Sam has completely taken over my room and the bed I lovingly painted myself.)

It’s funny because I’ve now been living out of the States for over a year and a half and as much as aspects of home drive me batshit insane, I know now for sure I could never live this far from the people I love on a permanent basis.

And now I understand what being an “expat” really means. It means not being able to call your friends and family without a roadmap and instructions because of the time difference. It means hunting down your favorite foods from home because that smell or taste or packaging brings you a little bit of comfort. It means accidentally writing “favourite” instead of “favorite” because you’ve lost the ability to spell properly.

It means constantly wondering what finally coming home will be like and worrying you might not have a place anywhere.

That said, my Thanksgiving in London is one of my fondest memories.

Thankfully, I have real Thanksgiving plans tonight with an American I met on that art tour of K’Rd. This is a giant sigh of relief and I have a feeling it’s going to be another Turkey Day to remember.

But with Christmas looming? While it might be another holiday I’m freaked out about spending alone, my mom’s been saying, “If you can make Christmas a fun day in a new place, you’ve really accomplished something. It will force you to make New Zealand your home.”

Let’s keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

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5 Things the U.S. Could Learn from New Zealand

by Marian Schembari on November 15, 2011

It’s very rapidly creeping up to my one year anniversary in New Zealand. It’s been one helluva year with a lot of crap, adventure, growth and yummy good things in my life. While many aspects about living in NZ drive me insane (mostly due to prolonged culture shock), I’ve also been amazed at how many things New Zealand has perfected the rest of the world hasn’t caught on to yet. For example…

Pavement markers/lane dividers – In New Zealand, they put bumps between lanes to keep you from drifting over. We have ridged roads on the side of Connecticut highways, but only to warn you you’re drifting off the highway itself, not your lane. These things are brilliant I tell you! Despite New Zealanders being crazy drivers, I reckon this keeps the streets much safer.

Transferring money – In the States, any time I’ve owed a friend money I have to pay them back in cash or through PayPal. In the wonderful land of New Zealand, that is silly talk. Almost no one carries cash here and I’ve split dinner bills by simply paying directly into someone’s account. No fees, no weird routing numbers or bank addresses. A simple account number and you’re good to go. And it’s free. Imagine that.

Coffee – Why oh why in the name of sweet baby Jesus does America not know how to make a proper coffee? If you’ve never tried a flat white, you haven’t yet lived. For those who’ve never been to Australasia, I’m afraid you just can’t understand. It’s heaven in a cup and I dread the day I return to the States for this very serious reason.

TradeMeTradeMe is set up almost exactly like eBay with more of a local, Craigslist feel. New Zealand also has the luxury of taking great ideas from around the world and making them better. The first time I used TradMe I lost out on a great couch because I placed a high bid during the last few minutes (like I was trained to do on eBay). But on TradMe, if you bid during the last two minutes, the auction extends by another two minutes. This pissed me off to no end because it means the auction can theoretically go on forever. But I slowly realized how amazing this is for sellers. It means if someone is willing to pay more, they should get it (real life auctions don’t just run out of time). It’s obnoxious as all get out as things can become expensive, but it also means it’s a great marketplace for sellers. I listed a phone for $50 and made $150 because the auction kept extending. Keeping it classy, TradMe.

Being happy with what you have – Americans are rarely 100% pleased with what they have. I don’t know if it’s my generations or Americans as a whole, but even what I have: an amazing job, the ability to live in this amazing, unique country, being young and health and active. But no. It’s always more more more. New Zealand is famous for it’s amazing quality of life. It’s consistently voted as one of the top cities to live in the world.

Things NZ Can Learn From the States

The things that have always bothered me about this country (expensive groceries/cosmetic/clothing, weird opening hours, bad phone reception) are mostly just adjustment things that are actually starting to grow on me. Still, there are two “quirks” that Kiwis can seriously learn from the States:

Customer service – It’s shocking how bad the customer service in New Zealand is. The funny bit is, people are hugely friendly here, so they always fuck up with a smile. We had no internet in our house for weeks, paid for it, and got zero support from Orcon. I’ve had Jetstar flights cancelled with no notice. You’ll get a burned coffee and won’t get your money back. It’s definitely the American in me that gets so pissed off with this because we expect to get what we pay for. I’m learning to deal though as the bank tellers here ask about your day and people smile on the streets.

Insulation – There’s not much I can say about this. I have yet to be in a house in New Zealand that actually has insulation. This is NOT a tropical country, folks. It gets cold. Insulation should be part of the world. The end. Period. Donesville.

{Photo credit 1, 2)

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I had an absurd amount of time to read during my 3 weeks on the farm in Queenstown and a few of you asked for the titles and reviews. In writing this though, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a shitty reviewer. Still though, read a few of these books if you have the time and/or inclination. Most of them left me with a giant feeling of “meh” but two or three are definite keepers.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan – Two young girls essentially get into what I refer to as an “arranged friend marriage” in 19th century China. I’d definitely recommend it as the history is fascinating but the author was never taught to “show, not tell.” Throughout the book we read that women are worthless, that footbinding will bring them happiness, etc etc. This got really boring after a while. We never hear how the characters felt about it besides physical pain and I don’t feel like I got to know any of the characters.

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter – The story of a doctor who delivers his wife’s twins only to discover one has Down’s Syndrome and makes a snap decision to give the child away without telling his wife. Another book where I didn’t feel like I connected to anyone, but the story was interesting enough to warrant finishing it.

One Day – Told on the same day every year for twenty years of a couple and how their relationship changes over that time. I’d heard the author, David Nicholls, was similar to Nick Horby, who I’ve never been able to get into, but I was really surprised by One Day. The story was realistic and moving and difficult and page-turning. I smashed this one out in two days, but I’m scared to see the movie as I’ve heard it’s crap.

Then Came You – Lesbians! Egg donation! Trophy wives! This book has it all… What can I say, I love me some chic lit and Jennifer Weiner always does this genre justice without being too girly. I’m a sucker for multiple narratives and the stories of women and I actually really loved this book.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Every. Single. Human. needs to read this. If you exist in the world and use medical care you need to know the story of the woman who transformed science. Henrietta Lacks was a poor tobacco farmer who’s cells were taken without her permission or knowledge in the 1950s. Those cells are now known as HeLa and have been sent to the moon, helped develop the vaccine for polio and are used to study cloning, cancer and bombs. This book is her story intermingled with the cell’s stories. Completely and totally brilliant.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet – Meh. Japanese girl, Chines boy, World War II. Another one I was really looking forward to given all the positive reviews. I thought it would be very Snow Falling on Cedars but instead it was trying too hard to be everything to everyone and it took me a long time to slog through.

Incarceron – I read Incarceron because I was completely obsessed with The Hunger Games and Amazon told me the two were similar. They are not. Incarceron is one of those weird, dark, pre-teen books where the actually story is lost on you because the author comes up with too many otherworldly names and places so you get lost trying to remember what they all mean. I’m actually surprised I finished this, though I can’t for the life of me tell you the plot. There’s a prison. And some alternate dimension. And weird monsters made up of metal objects. I’m still not really sure.

Winter Garden – I’d never heard of Kristin Hannah before this book, but a blogger I read highly recommended her. But I have to say, this book was painful to get through. Things like “her shining sapphire eyes” overwhelmed the story, which was actually an interesting one about two daughters and their Russian mother who survived the war in Leningrad. I guess you win some you lose some.

I definitely have a wide variety of tastes and tend to switch it up between bestsellers, young adult and some chic lit. I occasionally read a good non-fiction book and right now am reading – don’t laugh – The Good Marriage. It’s a 20-year-old study of a bunch of happily married couples and the traits that separate them from couples who get divorced. So far it’s fascinating.

Other titles my Kindle just begging to be read are Still Alice, Little Bee, Game of Thrones, The Paris Wife, Unbroken and These Is My Words. Reading over the above “reviews” though I realize I’m a little hard to please. Still, it doesn’t keep me from plowing through books like they’re chocolate cake.

Anyone read anything awesome lately?

p.s. This post is littered with affiliate links (go Amazon!). Click at your own risk. And by “risk” I mean “buy your books through those links so I can start making the big bucks.”

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How Couchsurfing Changed My Life

by Marian Schembari on November 8, 2011

When I decided to leave Auckland to backpack around Australia and New Zealand, I had $1,000 in my bank account. I knew it would be enough to cover flights, transport and food for my trip, but accommodation? Not so much.

Coincidentally, my flatmate at the time, Kelly, is a couchsurfing expert. She traveled across Europe this way and in London I met quite a few of her old hosts who were in turn staying with her.

But I was still always hesitant about the whole thing.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with couchsurfing, it’s like a mix of Facebook and Craigslist and Meetup rolled into one, with the ultimate goal of finding couches to crash while you travel. Accommodation is free, but don’t confuse this with staying in a hotel. You’re there to befriend your hosts, travel like a local and be actively engaged with the culture around you.

Yes, you stay with strangers. And yes, there is an obvious sketch factor involved. But the couchsurfing team has made it really easy to be safe as long as you take the proper precautions. For example, I only stayed with women or couples. They needed at least a few photos, a completed profile that didn’t make them sound like a crazy person and a minimum of five reviews – all of which had to be positive.

And I am so glad I burst through my comfort zone on this one. I had the BEST time.

In Melbourne, my first hosts were Stephanie and her husband Francois. I stayed in their beautiful suburban house with their dog, Milo. Our first night we sat on the couch talking for hours. I heard the story of how they met (she stayed on his couch four years prior) and the next day we all went out for dinner and I cuddled with the dog.

My next hosts were Rosey and Jason, two epic travelers and seasoned couchsurfers who backpacked across the States. We cooked Thai food together on our first night. On the second night Rosey took me out drinking with her friends from school where she’s getting her PhD in linguistics. I now know heaps about Aboriginal town names in Melbourne.

Then I stayed with single-gal Marina and her Dalmatian Yippie, who we took for a walk on a Melbourne beach to watch the dolphins.

I drank tea with Jess and we talked all night about furniture restoration. At Elisa’s we looked at Australian scrapbooks while her and her fiance told me I absolute must visit Tasmania. Irene and Paul filled me with home cooking every night and told me the best places to see proper Australian theater.

In Sydney I stayed with a friend of a friend named Andrew who wasn’t a couchsurfer but still let me stay in his guest bedroom for a an entire week without complaint. Then my next host Natalie took me out for breakfast and a hike around Bondi Beach where we watched the kites.

I also stayed with Claire and Donna who have been together since they were teenagers and now live in the suburbs, ride motorcycles and have three dogs.

My travels would not have been the same if I hadn’t couchsurfed. I wouldn’t have made these friends, seen these things, heard these stories.

And now that I’m back in Auckland, while can’t host due to a crowded housing situation, I am going to every couchsurfing event there is.

Because couchsurfing isn’t just about couches. If you can’t (or don’t want to) host you can make yourself available for “coffee or a drink”. Plus, each city/country has their own group where people post about roadtripping to some town and does anyone want to go with them? Those message boars are how I hitched my ride from Melbourne to Sydney with the semi-deaf, chain-smoker Elsa.

Using these message boards I snagged a $4 pizza at some underground bar in Melbourne I would never have found otherwise. They’re how I found myself on my first 13km hike outside Sydney with a group of European exchange students.

And now in Auckland I’ve joined a weekly Spanish exchange where I’ve met people from Spain and Mexico and the States and New Zealand. And those people have led to new things like an art tour around K’Rd and the birthday party of a stranger and being able to watch the Rugby World Cup final from the top of one of the tallest buildings in the city.

Basically, it’s changed the way I make friends. Couchsurfing has made me open to different kinds of relationships, to appreciating everyone’s stories. It’s meant I’m never alone in Auckland even though sometimes it can feel that way.

Have any of you tried couchsurfing before? Even if you’re not traveling at the moment, consider opening up your home to people form around the world or even check out happenings in your city to expand your network. If you haven’t – if you’re hesitant – please trust me that it’s the most amazing thing you can do. And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

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Get Out of a Rut: Take a Tour of Your City

by Marian Schembari on October 31, 2011

As much as I feel like a newbie to New Zealand, I sometimes have to remind myself that I’ve been here almost a year. I know the cheapest grocery stories, my favorite brands. I know what roads to avoid and where to get the best flat whites.

But I also feel like I’m still settling in. That this year has just been a warm up.

Since I got back from my trip it’s been a lot of moving around, settling back in, making new friends and reorganizing my life. In that process I’ve had to make a HUGE effort to meet new people.

I’ve been spending more time getting to know the Auckland couchsurfing community. I went to a Spanish exchange a few weeks ago which led to me meeting this girl who ended up inviting me to her birthday party which ended up being a blast, which ended up introducing me to another girl who ended up inviting me to her Rugby World Cup party. And THEN the first girl invited me to a tour of Karangahape Road tonight and I said yes. Because I’m pretty much saying yes to anything these days.

So on Friday night I took a tour of a street I’ve walked down a million times. I live 10 minutes away from K Road, passing it every day on my way to and from work. I’ve gone to dinner on this road, I’ve been to bars and every Sunday I get coffee and cake and sit and write on this road.

But in the YEAR I’ve lived here I have never once seen half the places I saw on this tour. I learned the history, found out there’s a ton of street art I never noticed and saw incredible, 100 year old buildings I never once realized existed. Like this amazing building called Maori Hall that’s been around since 1908.

When I was in Melbourne and Sydney I took free tours of the city, which both helped me get my bearings and as a way to see things I might never have otherwise.

I’ve decided that taking a tour of your city is THE best way to see it from a new perspective. Plus, you almost always meet fun folks and in Friday’s case I met a slew of Americans who had just moved here and I was able to show off my mad knowledge of Auckland life.

Point being, I’m super happy I went out and saw parts of Auckland I never would have known about and I think you should too.

Anyone else done this before?

Note: Most major cities have free tours (just Google it, i.e. “free Seattle tour”) so it won’t even need to break the bank.

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