Quote above said by two of my hilarious coworkers (follow them on Twitter – @izac01 and @joestuart27 – they could use the help).

But… yeah. It’s true. I feel like I’m constantly bookmarking ridiculous things that make my life complete. I like the internets.

For example, this week involved a heated debate about the Oxford comma after seeing this drawing (care of this fine site):

Then I read up on the all-important nerd vs. geek debate and discovered everyone I know is a geek and we’re apparently all cooler than we think.

Afterwards I watched this video on SEO which is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.

I rediscovered this design*sponge post written by my friends Mel and Alisha on all the fab places to shop, eat and drink in Auckland. A few of the places they mention are some of my favorites (chocolate lamingtons at Agnes Curran, anyone?), but I haven’t been to a shocking number. Good thing my dad’s coming soon. I have heaps of places to take him now.

I read about the most creative way to find a job using Twitter and was blown away by these guys’ brain smarts. (Well, that and the fact that I sort of didn’t understand how it worked.)

I found a bunch of web-based alternatives to Instagram because a) I need to spread my addiction to include more than just my phone and b) I shed a tear for Picnik’s closing.

Then I pretty much died laughing at this post I stumbled across called 16 GIF Reactions to Real-Life Situations (the one about the ice cream truck is my favorite).

Finally, The Bloggess linked to a great cartoon strip about how we’re all freaking weird. I love it so hard I could cry.

What cool shit as the internet helped you discover recently?

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12 Important Aspects of Life That Are Hugely Overrated

by Marian Schembari on January 18, 2012

Do you ever feel like you’re just totally not in on something? Ever since I started going to concerts I’ve been writing this list of things that I feel like I should enjoy, but just really, really don’t. Just go with it…

Live concerts – All the hipsters in the world might shoot me, but I have yet to go to a gig that didn’t involve crowds of people, having beer spilled on me and not being able to hear any voices over an off-balance sound system. I adored seeing Mumford & Sons but only because I knew all the words and totally sang over them. Otherwise, the thought of music festivals makes me hyperventilate a little bit. Plus, the photos you take always have a blue tinge to them and generally look like crap:

High heels – Yes, everyone looks good in heels, but I also think very few women know how to actually walk in them. Most ladies sound like rather large horses stomping down the street/hallway/house and they end up taking off said shoes after a few hours anyway. So tell me what exactly is wrong with my comfy Chucks?

Cookie add-ins – Unless you’re a chocolate chip or a very delicious walnut, I don’t want you anywhere near my fucking cookie. This means you macadamia/raisin/dried fruit/coconut/oat/sprinkles/m&ms. GET OUT OF MY COOKIE. YOU ARE RUINING MY DOUGH EXPERIENCE.

Smartphones – I got a hand-me-down iPhone back in August and while it makes my ability to answer work emails from the road infinitely easier and now I know where I’m going all the time, my new instagr.am obsession hasn’t changed my life or anything. I still don’t really understand the hype and would (don’t quote me on this) be perfectly happy going back to my 10 year old Nokia with no camera or predictive text.

Texting – And on that note, I still don’t understand people’s issue with picking up the phone and calling someone. I hate texting. I hate text speak. I hate trying to schedule something in 50 message when it can easily be solved during a 2 minute conversation. I hate staring at my little screen typing and accidentally saying something is “book” instead of “cool”. I hate those little keys. I hate waiting days for a reply. I miss the phone. Does anyone use that thing anymore?

Cat photos – I don’t get them. I don’t really get cats either, but photos of cats doing “cute” things makes me want to die a little. Give me a video of a penguin being tickled any day.

Blue cheese – I once had a blue cheese pizza that blew my freaking mind, but usually? I can take it or leave it. It’s mold and it tastes like mold.

The Beatles – Ha! I’m just kidding. Don’t be absurd.

Seth Godin – Really guys? He writes blog posts that are only a few sentences long and feature regurgitated cliches with slightly better vocabulary. They sound like horoscopes or something you’d find in a fortune cookie, i.e. “Pain is part of work.” Or, “Whenever you start a project, you should have a plan for finishing it.” Really guys? THIS is the guy you call your god?

British humor – Toilet jokes and men dressed up as women. Give me a break. (Note: This does not include Monty Python which, for whatever reason, is genius. See below.)

Wine and cheese – I love wine. And I love me some cheese. But is it just me or does the wine totally overpower the cheese? I can’t taste that lovely medley everyone talks about. I want to drink my wine THEN eat my cheese. Or vice versa. But not together because then they both taste weird. Is it odd that this is my second cheese reference?

Jim Carrey – Okay, so he was epic in Liar, Liar (which I’ve seen 50 million times), but does no one else think he acts like he’s gone of the deep end? He actually scares me a little bit.

Things that are not even remotely overrated:

1. Johnny Depp/Ryan Gosling/Robert Downey Jr

2. Judd Apatow movies

3. Driving fast

4. Pizza from Two Boots, cupcakes from Buttercup, chocolate chip cookies from Levain

5. Monty Python

What else is totally overrated? What’s totally underrated?

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5 (More) Examples of Absurdly Well-Written Twitter Bios

by Marian Schembari on January 16, 2012

It’s shocking how rarely I come across a Twitter bio that inspires me. Most are blank, bland, irrelevant or say almost verbatim what I’ve seen a million other times on the interwebs. But sometimes I come across bios that are snappy, witty, laugh out loud funny and make me immediately want to follow said tweeter (and be their Bestie 4 Life).

Like these five…

I clearly have a thing for writers, but they obviously know how to clearly and cleverly talk about themselves. The bio of @akharlamova just so perfectly describes the life of an author in so few words. And it also does a great job showing that she’s dedicated, consumed and in love with what she does. Nicely done, Arina.

It would have been so easy for @showmethesun to have written, “Book lover. Works in Publishing. From Melbourne.” Instead, she eats books for breakfast! She’s a curator instead of just a blogger. She doesn’t just work in publishing, she loves it. She doesn’t just live in Melbourne, she’s happy there. I feel like I know her already.

I love it when a major corporation isn’t afraid to add a little humor in their bio. What @Staples does is genius in that they quickly sum up what they do, then tap into the joys of every office worker on the planet. Like starch.

@KatjaPresnal clearly has a lot going for her. She tells us why she’s great, what she’s up to, what she does for living, then throws her personality at us in full force. This is a girl I could be friends with. And “carpe the shit out of diem” obviously needs to be my life motto. (Thanks to @aodt for sending this bio my way!)

I’m in love with @IsaChandra and think her loud and clear voice on this bio coupled with such simplicity is pretty unique. Sometimes (aka “all the time”) you just don’t need to over-explain. For Isa, four words is all she needs. I like her style and for those of you who eat more than just meat and potatoes can also appreciate her location quip.

Takeaways

1. A few choice words can make all the difference. Take a page out of Steph’s half-eaten book (see what I did there? I crack myself up) and stay away from over-used descriptions when talking about yourself.

2. What’s a really obvious stereotype about your industry/job/passion? Are you an accountant? Poke fun at the fact that you’re not absurdly boring. Social media strategist? Mention you’re sure as hell not a guru/ninja. Make like Staples and stand out from the crowd by being good-natured about the judgments surrounding what you do.

3. Do you have a specific writing style? Do you swear a lot? Have a rad vocabulary skills? Write poetry? Translate that strong style à la Isa Chandra so that voice shines in your bio!

Want more Twitter love? Read parts 1 and 2 here. And if you’ve seen any great bios lately, please share them in the comments!

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LinkedIn: You Can Do Better

by Marian Schembari on January 12, 2012

This is a brilliant guest post from my friend David. It’s the email he wish he’d sent to a to a generic LinkedIn connection request. Hope this guy learns his lesson.

Dear Guy-who-sent-me-a-generic=LinkedIn-request,

You sent me an invitation to connect on LinkedIn, even though you don’t really know me. Of course, I know you, or at least know who you are. With about 7,000 Twitter followers, blog, Facebook profile and fan page, YouTube channel and Flickr account, you’re kind of a big deal in the Chicago social media scene. People I interact with regularly know you or have heard of you. You come up in conversations. I’ve run into you at networking events and even tried to introduce myself. You were too busy being social with friends instead to talk to me (instead of actually, you know, networking).

Your LinkedIn invitation consisted of the generic text provided by the network: “I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.” How lazy and impersonal. Why don’t you send me an auto DM on Twitter while you’re at it? I thought everyone who knows anything about LinkedIn knows this is the ultimate faux pas. Perhaps I’m wrong though. You list “Social Media” among your specialties.

The invitation also says you’ve indicated I am “a Friend.” I recognize “Friend” is a relatively loose term when it comes to social media. People who have never met in person are Facebook friends. If you have no other connection and want to get around having to look up an email address, “Friend” is the viable only option on LinkedIn. But aside from knowing the same people, we aren’t really that chummy. Perhaps you’re using the term “Friend” just a bit too loosely in this case.

Your LinkedIn invite would have been more effective if you had said something like this:

Hi David,

We seem to operate in similar circles.  Why don’t we connect?  Perhaps we’ll meet in person sometime soon.

Regards,
________

That probably would have resulted an acceptance of your invitation. For the time being, though, my response is, “You can do better.”

David Salkover works in the Meeting and Events industry. He’s passionate about tradeshows and conventions, and is never without a good book to read.  Far from being a social media guru/ninja/expert, he’s more of a social media nerd. David tweets about whatever happens to be on his mind at twitter.com/dbsalk

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4 Books I Read in December

by Marian Schembari on January 10, 2012

It’s that time of the month again!

Hmm… perhaps different wording is in order?

Regardless, here are the books I read in December:

Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

I started this book last month and fell head over heels in love. The story of zombies, never mind a zombie “filled with love” is not my usual reading material, but I couldn’t put this book down. I found myself underlining passages in every chapter and staring in awe at the author’s mad writing skills. HOWEVER. Because I need something to complain about (and I do have one complaint), the first half of the book was significantly better than the second. The first half was witty and moving without being cheesy and overly sentimental. The story was super tight and obviously well-crafted. The second half, however, was slightly over the top and I lost the plot at a few points. I’d still recommend Warm Bodies though as it was a complete treat to read.

Watermelon by Marian Keyes

I was obsessed with Marian Keyes as a teenager and after reading something quite heavy, I like to mix it up with chic lit or a YA novel. While the number of times I’ve read Watermelon is already in the double digits, I didn’t love this story any less this time around.

I followed up Watermelon with another chic lit book by a new author. But this particular book was so bad, so poorly written, with characters so utterly and completely disgusting, I refuse to tell you the name of it as I hope this book dies a slow and painful death. Let’s just say I thought the story of a Connecticut girl moving to London would be JUST UP MY ALLEY SEEING AS IT’S ACTUALLY MY LIFE, but instead it was filled with gratuitous shopping, loud Americans an anonymous sex. Because, you know, that’s exactly what all 20-something American girls do.

Blue Nights by Joan Didion

I recently joined an Auckland book club and this was our first book. I ended up missing the meeting due to torrential rain and a lack of car and I’m still bummed I didn’t get a chance to hear what everyone else thought about Blue Nights. I’d never read Joan Didion before so wasn’t sure what to expect.

I couldn’t finish it. Holysweetjesus does this woman name drop. And explain in flowery prose what could be said in two words. The book was supposed to be about the death of her daughter but not only do you get no indication of how her daughter dies, but it’s impossible to understand who she was. Didion spent more time talking about some hot shot she wrote a script with than the kind of person her daughter was. Every time she talks about some life event in her family she say something like, “In a few [pictures] she is wearing a cashmere turtleneck sweater I brought her from London when we went that May to do promotion for the European release of The Panic in Needle Park.”

This line is everything that’s wrong with Blue Nights. She talks more about her daughter’s clothes than her personality. She talks more about her own successes than stories about her daughter.  And, finally, this sentence has to be the shortest in the book. Stay as far away from Blue Nights as you possibly can.

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

Loved this book. I had no idea what to expect when going in as Amazon was sort of ambiguous on the details, but it’s essentially the story between a Nigerian refugee and a well-to-do(ish) British woman. The book revolves around the tragedy which prompts their meeting and how this refugee, Little Bee, gets her ass over to the UK and survives two years in a detention center. And, wait for it, the detention center where she was held? Loosely based on Yarl’s Wood. Yeah, that would be the center where I was held back in 2010. Since I was only there for two days I experienced none of Little Bee’s story, but something about her description of the facility and the author’s notes at the end got me all choked up.

I loved Little Bee’s character. I loved all the characters, actually. Including a 6 year old who refuses to dress up in anything other than a Batman costume. That said, the author was “flowery” and I freaking hate flowery writing. I mean, I appreciate beautiful prose. Good writing. But telling me, “She was whispering into it in some language that sounded like butterflies drowning in honey” is not actually helpful. Have you ever heard a butterfly drowning in honey? Didn’t think so. But still, Cleave came up with more brilliant lines than ridiculous ones, my favorite being, “When you are a refugee you learn to pay attention to doors. When they are open; when they are closed; the particular sound they make…”

This month I also tried reading The Tiger’s Wife as there’s been a huge amount of talk around it, but I just couldn’t get into it. Every few pages I’d think, “What did I just read?” and have to go back and have another look. So I stopped after a few chapters and have picked up The Art of Fielding which I’m really enjoying so far.

My book club choice for this month is The Night Circus. Anyone read it? What did you read last month? Any recommendations?

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