Bloggers in Sin City (Or, How I Got My Groove Back)

by Marian Schembari on May 21, 2013

I just got back from five days in Las Vegas with 68 bloggers I had never met prior to Thursday. And I have so many feelings I can’t explain about this group of strangers.

Like many bloggers, I’m an online-only extrovert. In person – unless we’re one-on-one – I hang back. I’m not shy, or a homebody, but I’m not really a “joiner”. Almost every single friendship I’ve had has been with a raging extrovert, which makes it easy to be their friend, but can just as easily make a girl feel inadequate.

Almost every exciting thing I’ve ever done I’ve done alone. Road trips, travel, moving cross-country/cross-planet. I love adventure but I really only love it solo.

Which is why my feelings about attending Bloggers in Sin City for it’s fifth and final year were hugely mixed. I wanted to meet this group of bloggers I’d been reading for years. I wanted to put faces to names and hug the shit out of my email pen pals. But 68 of them all at once? In Vegas?

I considered bailing a hundred times. I don’t drink, I’ve never been to a nightclub, I don’t dance or act silly or go to bed later than 10pm.

I am not that person. Until I was.

IMG_0745From the second I met my BiSC roommate, Jessica, I felt like I’d come home. I hugged the shit out of Michelle even though she and I had never spoken before Thursday. I sat down with a group of bloggers at a bar and didn’t get up until way past my grandma bedtime.

The next five days were a whirlwind and a lifetime. We did Vegasy things: We consumed enormous amounts of food at tacky buffets, saw Cirque du Soleil, explored the Strip, gambled, drank and danced at a club (at 26 I finally lost my club virginity).

But we also stayed up talking about our passions, our families and our stories until late into the night. We dressed up in the ugliest clothes we could find at H&M and did a fashion show in the changing rooms. We spooned. We put on dresses and bow ties and told each other how beautiful we were. We respected each other’s drinking/dietary/bedtime choices with zero judgment and 150% support and love and understanding.IMG_0729

Just watch the video below of our H&M extravaganza. I dare you. Keep in mind that I MET THESE FINE PEOPLE JUST TWO DAYS PRIOR. I’ve had friends for years I’d never feel comfortable acting this way around.

BiSC really is that good

I had been hearing about the magic of Bloggers in Sin City for years but always thought, “Really? It’s just not possible to connect with so many strangers that way. It has to be cliquey.” Negatory.

IMG_0741[Full Disclosure: Of course you'll never meet 60+ people and have each and every one of them be your next best friend for ever and ever and ever. And, yes, you need to have a small amount of balls/ovaries because if you're new you do need to make an effort to at least say hi. But I'm used to trying to worm my way into groups to the point of exhaustion. This? This was effortless.]

At the end of BiSC, a few bloggers got up and talked about these crazy feelings: About how BiSC changed their lives, their careers, their friendships. I sat there, tears streaming down my face, feeling like a fraud. Most of these bloggers have been seeing each other every year, forging lifetime friendships and making H&M-like memories for years. Who was I to cry after just five days? Until the BiSC newbies started talking, articulating each and every one of my feelings in a way I never could. That after BiSC they were standing taller, they had found their tribe, that they have never felt more like themselves.

I can’t pinpoint what exactly it is about BiSC that makes your “true self” come out, but fuck if I’m not going to try to find out this magic formula at home. Do I try and befriend the bloggers in San Francisco? Or is it the age group? Or is it just the fact that a group of mostly-introverted-bloggers-in-their-20s-and-30s-who-would-go-to-Vegas-to-meet-a-group-of-strangers-in-the-first-place are by definition the best people in the world?

I don’t have the answers. But I can’t send enough love to Nicole Antoinette for organizing BiSC. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next. And, of course, I can’t give enough of my heart to the 68 bloggers I met this weekend. I love the shit out of you and I know, in the words of Dominique Hernandez, “You and I are going to have a beautiful friendship.”

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Why I Wish Everyone Lived Abroad

by Marian Schembari on May 15, 2013

It’s been six months now since I’ve moved back to the States. And while I’ve been 100% more inspired by all the magic that happens in San Francisco, I miss my people.

My  people being expats. After four years living abroad I connect so easily to those who have also actively chosen to leave home and try somewhere else out for size.

I about to sound like a big, fat whiner here and I really need to learn to be more grateful, but I’ve had a hard time fitting in here in San Francisco. I know I need to cut myself some slack because, well, it’s been six months and I knew a grand total of zero people before moving. But… I think it’s me. And my attitude towards America and Americans. I love being American. I am most definitely patriotic and glad to have grown up here, but do I want to be here forever? Six months in and my answer is still no.

I know very few Americans who have lived overseas for extended periods of time. And while I will always love and adore my friends in this great country, here’s why I think everyone should try to live abroad at least once.

Your Voice Will Automatically Become Softer and More Pleasing to the Ear

We are a seriously loud people. Americans need to stop trying to talk over each other and listen. Understand that the person at the opposite end of the bus doesn’t need to hear about your hernia. As I type this I am sitting in Long Beach Airport waiting for my flight to Vegas (BiSC baby!) and a girl four gates down is ordering food for her church fundraiser. I know this because SHE IS WAY TOO LOUD.

General Life Activities Will Suddenly Become 1000 Times Harder and it Will Teach You to Use Your Brain

Opening a bank account in a foreign country is hard. Applying for visas will murder your brain. Learning road rules when people drive on the left is accident-inducing. Figuring out wifi is hard. Learning new grocery store layouts is hard. Living abroad is what I imagine losing your right hand is like. You have to learn everything you’ve ever known all over again. You have to retrain your brain and I think that’s healthy every once in a while.

England 007

Friends You Make Abroad Are Unlike Any Friendships You’ve Ever Had

The older I get, the more I appreciate the different types of friends I have: Childhood friends, work friends, soulmate friends, industry friends, drinking friends, brainstorming friends… Living abroad friends, however, are a different breed entirely. They relate to you in a way no one else ever could. You are instantly besties, none of this yearlong courting and occasional drinks that happens here. You meet in a bar one day, the next you’re sharing a sleeping bag on top of a mountain. And you keep in touch longer. I can go years without talking to my childhood friends, but every time we see each other it’s like nothing has ever changed. Abroad friends are used to Skyping/phoning/emailing and are great about keeping in touch (Hi Helen! Hi Matt! Hi Amanda!).

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How to Talk to Strangers and Constantly Ask for Help

This sucks for us introverts, but talking to strangers (especially in a new language) is a bitch. But when you’re forced to do it over and over again (at the grocery store, at the bank, on the street, in your apartment) it becomes second nature. You become friendlier, more approachable and less shy. And then when you come home, you are suddenly the most extroverted introvert anyone has ever met and it’s glorious.

The World Doesn’t Actually Revolve Around America. In Fact, Most People Don’t Care About Us At All

I absolutely expected people to hate on me as soon as I first moved to Spain at 16. And while alot of people ragged on Bush, we were mostly not part of the conversation. When I lived in New Zealand, I rarely ever heard American news. Surprisingly enough, New Zealand was more concerned with things happening – wait for it – in New Zealand. It really takes a giant step away from America to realize how small and insignificant we really are.

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For those of you who have lived abroad, any additions? For those of you who haven’t, would you consider it?

[DISCLAIMER: Please excuse me if I sound like a complete douche. Before you comment saying that I'm Anti-American or a snobby traveler, please note that I love America and Americans. I know that travel isn't accessible or possible for everyone.]

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An Update on my Clarity Experiment

by Marian Schembari on May 13, 2013

Back in March I wrote a post about how I was using Clarity to cut down on my email. If you’re too lazy to go back and read it, here’s the synopsis:

Too much email from people wanting free advice. Now I send them to my Clarity profile, which hooks us up on the phone and I get paid by the minute.

In a nutshell, the experiment was a raging success.

After writing that blog post, I immediately got thousands of views to my Clarity profile. But no calls right away. I added a link in the sidebar to my profile. Nothing. Instead, the calls slowly started to trickle in. I’ve done five more calls since writing that post, which, granted, isn’t that many. The reason the experiment went so well is because I now feel 1000% less guilty when I say no to someone’s request via email.

I had mentioned last time, but I would get 27-paragraph emails from some people asking me to fix their life. LOTS of recent grads would ask for advice about how to get a job. In my brain I replied, “Here, let me Google that for you.” Instead, because I’m fucking nice, I would write lonnnnggg responses with advice tailored to their situation. And the assholes would never respond. But I just couldn’t say no.

Now, when someone emails asking me to give them tips/pointers/free advice I say, “Thanks so much for getting in touch! I’d love to help. Here’s a link to my Clarity profile, feel free to set up a call.”

And I never hear from them again. Nothing. Crickets. Nada.

The result? I feel less guilty and fewer people email me, which is a total win in my book. It’s also made me think hard about phone calls. I’ve been approaching work calls differently.

A few things I’ve noticed about those who call me:

  1. The call sucks if people don’t come prepared with questions.
  2. Because Clarity is by the minute, a lot of folks try to make the call as short as possible. Which means they don’t give you a lot of background history, which makes the consulting part hard.
  3. Always be in front of a computer. The first time I did a Clarity call I took a walk outside since it was a beautiful day. That was a mistake since it would have helped had I been able to look them up as they talked.

Experiment over! I’m keeping Clarity up on my contact page and sending out the link in my email. Plus, the extra $100/month doesn’t hurt either. Mama needs something sparkly…

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It’s rare I accept a guest post from someone I don’t know, but when Brendon emailed me about Gen Y defaulting to “cheap fixes”, I was sold. I see a lot of a good coming from our generation, but I also see a lot of impatience, a lot of copy-paste emails and I lot of entitlement. Read below for Brendon’s three challenges on how to get the most bang for your buck. Without the shortcuts.

source: dnfsouai

I have a problem. You have a problem. Our generation has a problem. Well, technically we have a lot of problems, but there are some that manifest themselves in every part of our lives and really go unnoticed.

We are generation of efficiency; a generation of numbers; a generation of beautifully multi-talented and socially conscious individuals looking to solve the world’s greatest problems. And that’s our problem. Not the caring or daring part, but the fact that because we are all dreaming and aiming big, we want solve  everything as quickly and as cheaply as possible.

The Quick Fix: A Broken System

Is your resume not uploading as fast as you want? Meltdown. Then go find smartphone or computer number 2. Not getting noticed by those high-powered executives who should’ve already seen how great your online presence is? Try to get dozens of new twitter followers by the end of the day.  This is the all-too-common line of thinking in Gen Y.

Now, don’t me wrong, I don’t yearn for the “old days” of hand-written notes and only working one less-than-fulfilling job for most of your life (well, that’s a lie, I love exchanging hand-written letters), but what can be said about our predecessors is that they understood one thing that we seem to have forgotten: the importance of quality.

They crafted elegant coffee tables that wouldn’t break under the crushing pressure of a single tin of Altoids. They wrote essays that actually required research in vast libraries with notecards, and notebooks and no Endnote.

The Qualities of Quality

We’ve gone from asking ‘how much?’ to ‘how many?’ and understanding this shift is important in understanding our own career and life potential. Instead of asking ourselves, “How much enjoyment am I getting out X activity?” we ask: “How many people are going to see me doing X activity and how can I network with them?”

And so we network with said group of people…and then feel at ease again…until a week or two pass or the next meet-up happens…and back to worrying about validation

Networking is of course an important part of success in any career. But I’m going to propose an idea that applies to networking and increasing life quality in general: a few challenges for the next couple of weeks.

Ready to hear them?

Challenging Your Norm 

Challenge 1: Network less.

Try to connect with about half as many people as you normally do. Reach out to people you’ve already connected with whom you may not have spoken to in a while or who are important parts of your network. Ask them how their job is going (and be genuinely interested in the answer). Ask if there’s anything you can do for them (I was talking to Chris Guillebeau recently, and learned of his brilliant idea to challenge people to help someone for free for a week). Treat them to lunch – anything.

Focus on fostering quality interactions and nothing else.

Challenge 2: If you’re on the job hunt, apply to the 2-3 companies that you really want to work for. That’s it.

You all have read Marian’s amazing tale of landing her dream job (and if you haven’t, read it here) [Marian's note: I totally didn't ask him to write this]. We all have a dream; we all have an idel life we know would inspire us to get out of bed and smile at the world every day.

What inspires you? Do that.

Life is too short to settle for anything else. Do some research and do what it takes to make yourself stand out. Companies don’t care about who you are What they care about is if you’ll fully dedicate yourself to their cause by bringing your passion.

Challenge 3: Buy one quality item this week.

It doesn’t matter how much it costs, just make sure it’s well-made. And by well-made, I mean it’s going to last for at least 4-5 years. If it’s something well-made, chances are you’re going to be paying more for it. And if you’re going to be paying more for it, you’ll do more to take care of it. And if you’re doing more to take care of it, you’ll appreciate it more.

Built To Last

Careers are like furniture: the best ones are built to last. Instead of focusing on increasing your facetwitlink followers or shopping at Ikea for that new desk – spring for some quality. Our generation’s problem is not insurmountable. If we focus on bringing quality back into our lives, we can continually improve our success and well-being… and get back to solving the world’s problems.

Here’s to the bright days ahead,

Brenton Weyi

Brenton-Bio-Photo

Brenton Weyi is a writer, social entrepreneur, and speaker with an expertise in creating social movements through business and encouraging inspiration through writing. His company, Groupe Weyi, works with villagers in Central Africa to create lasting change through entrepreneurship and fair trade of resources. He also has a website for storytelling and career/life inspiration called Orastories.

 Image source: dnfsouai

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For the past two years, my contact page has said this:

My Contact page used to encourage readers to email for any reason. I love hearing from you all and would always respond, but as this site and my business grow, I’m realizing a girl needs her sanity. So due to unforseen Inbox Terrorism, I am now unable to respond to every email I receive. This doesn’t mean I won’t read it! Or appreciate your feedback, comments, questions and praises of my beauty, but there aren’t enough hours in the day and I have a full time job, various writing gigs, blog on a regular basis and attempt to have some form of a social life off my computer.

Friendly, but not encouraging.

Since people actually started reading my blog with some regularity, I started bitching about the amount of email I would get. Like this blog post on Brazen Careerist. Or this one.

But it’s not like anyone actually listened to me. Just the other day I got a TWENTY-SEVEN PARAGRAPH EMAIL from a reader telling me his entire life story followed by a general request to provide thoughts on his career. I don’t mean to sound harsh (okay, I do), but that is just too damn much. I would love to be able to help every single person who actually thinks I have the answers, but I just don’t. So I actively discouraged people from getting in touch.

Fast-forward a few years. And enter Clarity.

My latest discovery is a site called Clarity and it’s so wonderful it deserves a shout-out. Simply put, Clarity is a simple platform that allows you to call anyone and ask them a question. So let’s say I just quit my job and decided to be a freelance writer. It would be great to talk to a successful freelance writer for 10 minutes and get their feedback on my latest query letter. Or let’s say I was traveling to Japan next week and wanted to talk to a restaurant reviewer who’s been to Japan and get the name of their favorite restaurant.

Some people offer their advice for free, others charge a small fee. You pay by the minute (no, not like that, pervert), and it’s usually around $1-3. Clarity let’s you schedule based on time zone, sends you reminders beforehand, and gives you a number to call. They pay you via PayPal after 14 days. So far I’ve made about $50 and both calls have been lots of fun.

To get the most out of the service, it’s best to have a list of questions beforehand. And it definitely helps if you’re in front of a computer just in case.

I haven’t had a ton of people look at my profile, and there are definitely a plethora or people listing their skills as “social media” or “blogging”. Which of course makes perfect sense given the medium.

So I’ve decided to revamp my contact page.  Because of these emails I keep complaining about, instead of taking an hour to review someone’s resume/explain for the billionth time how I used Facebook ads/do a Twitter view, I can instead encourage readers to visit my Clarity profile for quicky advice. This way, readers get the tips they want and I get compensated for said time. Makes sense, right?

My only concern is this: Is it fair for a blogger to direct readers to a paid service or should I count my flooding inbox as a “first world problem”, be nicer and answer everyone? What do you think? Would you pay a blogger for 15 minutes of their time?

I’ll report back on how it went…

 

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